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female
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anonymous
writes: I cheated on my boyfriend of 6 years 2 years ago and he found out, he got really angry but he said he would forgive me, stupidly i started talking to the guy i cheated with and we became friends, my boyfriend found out and we fought constantly about it. He heard some thing about i and the guy having an affair and he chose to believe but were totally untrue and he left me about 2 months ago,the problem now is i really love him and want him back, but i dont know what to do to get him back,ive tried everything, even begged, but he wont have me back, im really depressed about this and i really need to get him back,help me
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (29 November 2006):
If you really felt bad about cheating, you would NEVER have struck up a friendship with the guy again. That makes no sense and is TOTALLY disrespectful to your boyfriend.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): Look, Im a guy, and in my oppinion men listen to logic in relationships. We also would rather have time to think abouut things before we answere, so I suggest a letter that is well thought out and well writen, hand written but not like a love letter, more like you were taught in school. Argue your case, dont just tell him you love him but tell him why. Not something like "I love your personality" instead mention things that are specific but simple like "i love the way you woke me up with a kiss" if he woke you up with a kiss, something romantic he did often. Dont say "I love you" more than once close to the end. Remember 5 paragraphs body sentances, back up your statements for example if you were to say "I miss the way you woke me up with a kiss" rather than just "I miss you babe" Leave out things like Babie, Lover, and all those, just write a factual essay dont use your old pet names for him, go ahead and say "I miss how you called me ????" Dont ask him questions dont ask for answeres just write facts about how you feel. And to finish leave the ball in his court, to close the essay tell him that you love him but you want him to him to date you if does not love you, tell him to send you an email if he changed his mind. Do this after atleast 2-3 weeks of not interacting at all and then leave it under the door at his house or in the mail slot when you know he is not home. Make sure spelling and gramer are all correct and your not using things like lmao or sux. Putting that much effort into it and showing that it actually means more to you than just saying please please please will mean alot. Dont blame him dont mention the afair, dont mention why he broke up with you, infact dont even mention you broke up, just mention that he has the oppertunity to get together in the final sentance. And if he doesn't talk to you again accept that, and try and get over him. If he does don't get defensive when he asks you about the affair or if you had another one, just be understanding because you need to recognise that he does have a valid reason to think you cheated again even if you didn't it looks that way, appologise and look down sadly, go ahead and defend yourself, but do it appoligeticly, even when defending yourself don't get defensive just simply say '"I didn't do it and i am sory i cant convince you of that" or some such line. Anyways this is my advice, About 2 years ago I was in a simmalar position to your boyfriend with my girl friend and she wrote a essay like this. Now we are married. Oh and I helped my friend write a letter like this when she wanted to get back together with her husband, they have gone to councoling now and are happy again. You also must realize that even though we say we have forgivin you this is one situation were men act like wemen and even though we still love you and we do not think of you as a cheat anymore we will always remember and we will bring it up in a fight 20 years from now. And even though we love you we still feel hurt by this expierience even 20 years down.
Oh and I almost forgot, if you argue about it after you get together you wont win all you will do is dig yourself a whole. But that does not mean you have to just give in in other arguements, you can argue over who does the dishes or what to spend money on, have fun with those yell scream do all of it, but never bring up cheating and if he does just end the argument and walk away, dont say its like you to bring that up, just walk away and come back when your head is cool, dont try and get the last word either.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (29 November 2006):
 Agree with Smeedle 100%, you need to move on with your life and accept responsibility for consequence of your actions in the past. It sounds as it it is to late.
If you cheated in the first place, something must have been wrong or lacking. Cheating is the sympton of a problem not the cause.
Stay positive and learn the important lesson. Life is hard but you cannot change the past, concentrate on the present to change the future.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (29 November 2006):
 You need to accept that this is over, sounds to me like you were a little rocky when you cheated on him so it is no surprise to find that nothing has changed.
Begging is not good and you should not do this it`s demoralising and gets you nohting but humiliation and pain and by the sounds of things you have had a lot of that lately.
you need to let this one go and move on, painful I know but he does not want you and may have been on the look out for any excuse and talking to your ex just gave him the one he needed to end it, maybe he just thought he had forgiven you and in practice found the trust had gone and he just was too hurt to carry the relationship on.
It is always a shame when relationships break up and you realise you really loved the one you were with all along and now they are gone the realisation hurts all the more, but let this one go and find a new bloke, but be wiser this time and no affairs!!.
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