A
male
age
41-50,
*r. Smith
writes:So this is my situation:recently I cheated on my wife...mostly emottional but it did almost go to the point fo having sex. I almost began the "act" with my lover but deep down I felt horrible and stopped. I just walked away and never looked back.Yesterday I told my wife everything and with the deepest pain and humilliation I felt in my life because I know I failed my wife as a husband and a father I had to let her know. She forgave me and these were her words: "you are the love of my life, I forgive you but please never do it again. We are a team and we will get through this together. I know you are a good man and forgive you. We love you (as in her and our son).Afterwards we had dinner and today she is acting completely normal but I feel horrible I am constantly crying and embarassed of what I did. I feel horrible for what I put my wife and my son though. Please I beg all of you to give me advice on how I can feel better knowingly that I told my wife, she forgave me and she is looking foward to spend a lifetime with me. Please friends give me advice on how I can leave this behind me, the same way my wife did!!!!It will be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Get counseling.
Don't bury the emotions that led to this, or the emotions that led to her forgiving you. If you do, you will end up divorced or worse.
Don't delay on this.
Accept responsibility, fully, and work to get to the bottom of this. You are prime age for this, but understanding is crucial to not making the same mistake again.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 November 2010):
 You have a great wife, an amazing wife. You told her what happened and didn't wait to be "caught" by her. The issue now is why you cheated. The weakness is still there, and it's up to you to not only identify it and improve on yourself, but to start courting your wife again and cultivate your marriage.
It's slightly disconcerting that she went right to "I forgive you" and is now acting normal. Emotional affairs are usually devastating to the woman, so do not be surprised if this festers inside her and possibly comes out later. Continue to have long talks with her, and make sure all of her feelings come out. You may want to invest in some marriage counselling, and this way, things won't be calm on the surface and tumultuous under it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): It is possible that she's okay with it and has forgiven you... Or, that she is/was in shock... and the emotional roller coaster has yet to begin...
Be there to support her. Get into marriage counseling if you see signs of her having a hard time coping.
Like I said... it is possible that it would be a smooth as you have said... but not probable.
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (18 November 2010):
 You've had some great answers. The hardest two things are 1)forgiving yourself and 2) feeling like you have already screwed up and doing it again because you cant forgive yourself
You have to forgive yourself and move on. It is disappointing to find out that you are capable of coming so close and its a hard thing to get past. Hang in there and keep the lines of communication open between you and your wife.
It can sneak up on you when you least expect it, and it can play havoc with your sex life. It affects your mind a lot. Do your best to put it behind you forever and NEVER do it again.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (18 November 2010):
 She has forgiven you, so forgive yourself. We are human and we are all flawed.
It happens. Be there for your wife. Tell her you love her. Don't start buying her a bunch of stuff or acting completely out of the ordinary, that will just remind her of what happened. She is probably feeling really insecure about herself right now and needs to be reassured.
At least you didn't go all of the way with this other woman and actually sleep with her, that's good. Most men don't stop in the middle.
Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): The best thing you can do is now be the husband she deserves! Help around the house more, give her hugs, get her a chair to put her feet on when she is watching tv, bring her a drink, cook tea!
Just show her you want to be in the house with her and your son and your actions will show that you care and regret it
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A
female
reader, ChainedDevil +, writes (18 November 2010):
You have to learn to forgive yourself, hon. Your amazing wife forgave you, it's your turn now. Instead of lingering on the bad you did, think of the good. You stopped. You didn't go forward with the act, you didn't aim for and keep a mistress. You had the courage and decency to tell your wife instead of keeping this to yourself. You chose not to keep this secret and therefore, chose truth and honor over total deceit. Love your wife as hard as you can, let yourself cry in her arms. She loves you! Forgive yourself, cry, regret and then, move on. Theres joy ahead
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (18 November 2010):
 The best way you can show your wife how much she means to you is to be there for her. Talk the talk, walk the walk. It doesn't have to be done with gifts of money, but the small things are what means so much. Just little gestures that say "hey honey, I was thinking of you...you are special to me". Just little gestures can go so far. Rent her favourite movie, rub her feet or her back, make dinner, call her unexpectedly, bring home flowers once in a while for no reason, hug her or kiss her without warning...show her tenderness. Let her know that you KNOW how special she is. Don't ever take her for granted!
You already know that you are a lucky guy...make sure she doesn't regret her decision to stand by you. You can get through this. Just small gestures will go a long way to heal the hurt. And remember, no matter what a brave front she put on for you..she is hurting and scared and probably feeling very insecure. Make sure you do everything in your power to let her know she is loved and treasured.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Absolutely amazing. NEVER take this woman for granted, ALWAYS cherish her every smile towards you.
To ease your guilt, you need to see that she is truly happy. Make it a priority to make her smile everyday. If there is something she has always wanted to do, let her do it, make it possible. If there is something you have never done for her that she would like, do it. Make her happy and be a good husband.
Take comfort in the fact that you avoided the sexual aspect of your affair, that was a very wise and noble thing to do at that point.
I hope that helps.
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