A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I am actually not the "victim" here, I am the one who did the cheating. I am 17 years old and have been dating this girl for the past month, and I really truly care about her. However, I was drunk and made out with another girl while on vacation in Florida this past week and immediately regretted it. I hated myself, felt like a truly bad person, and didn't know what to do with myself. I have been beating myself up in my mind and really hate myself for it. I think I'm not going to tell her, I really feel like I learned from it and don't want to destroy our relationship over this. However, if she asks, I will confess because lying to her face would be even worse. I have also been doing some soul searching the past few days and really think I have learned my lesson. I will never cheat on her or any future girlfriend again, and the stray thoughts of cheating out of pure hormonal overdrive have vanished. I also appreciate my girlfriend more than I did before. However, there is still a lot of guilt in my heart, but I think I am going to try and save the relationship and keep this to myself. Hopefully I can continue with forgiving myself and using it as motivation to be a better boyfriend in the future.Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): Guilt certainly is a difficult emotion to deal with. I think it is good that you are trying to learn from what happened, become a better person and create a stronger relationship. In this way, no experience can be a waste or a mistake, so long as we learn from it.
The guilt you feel may ease with more time. This has all only happened quite recently, so it will probably feel worse right now. I think you need to keep doing what you are doing, keep focusing on what you have learned from the experience, and just try and carry on building a good relationship with your girlfriend. Although it may be hard to not beat yourself up over what happened, it won't really accomplish anything.
However, there is the possibility that this won't go away. It could be that you continue to feel bad because you are hiding this from your girlfriend. I'm not trying to say you should tell her. Only you can decide what will be best. But if you really CAN'T cope with the feelings of guilt, then I think the only other possible option would be to tell your girlfriend what happened. Tell her that it was a mistake, you care about her, have learned from it, and want to be with her. Basically, tell her what you have said here.
Yes, there is the chance she might end it if you told her. But if the guilt is that bad, it will most likely eventually end up destroying the relationship anyway. So it depends on whether you think you can cope with your feelings without telling her or not. Also, if there is any chance she could find out from somebody else, it may be better to tell her now. It will be better coming from you, if she heard it from someone else it will make it all the more worse that you hid it from her. It's a delicate situation. I hope things work out well.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (30 August 2010):
 I cheated on my boyfriend back in high school,(the foreign exchange hottie kissed me, back then it would've been considered cheating) the guilt weighed me down so eventually I had to tell him to get the load off my chest. I told my boyfriend, things weren't the same and we ended up breaking up. Another time, I cheated on my ex twice both times got really drunk and slept with 2 guys, however I never told him and it later ended in a nasty break-up. So, don't use the alcohol as an excuse, you still had an idea of your actions even though you were inebriated. No one likes to be cheated on and in my experience i've found honesty to be the best policy. Otherwise, karma will come around and bite you in the ass for your previous actions. Tell her the truth, you would want to know if she cheated on you? The worst that could happen is she could dump you, and you would deserve it. Or she could be pissed for awhile but take into consideration that you have learned your lesson and you two could potentially work it out. You got a 50/50 chance.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Well, you have "confessed" to us that you cheated. Hopefully now you will be better able to forgive yourself, and it sounds as though you have learned your lesson. Is there any chance the girl you had sex with might attempt to contact you, or does she know any of your friends??
Personally, I'd be inclined not to mention it to your girlfriend - unless she asks, that is. Then you would need to admit to it, but making it very clear that you bitterly regret it and it will not happen again........
You MIGHT think about telling her later on, though, but not now. You've only been seeing one another a month and that is no time at all. Wait until you've been dating for a few more months and see if, in getting better acquainted, your relationship becomes stronger. Because at this point its still very new. Being able to trust each other is one of the most important aspects of a relationship.
One other thing: since you slept with this other girl when drunk, you might want to be a little more conservative about how much you're drinking!
...............................
|
