A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I cheated twice with hookers she found it on my laptop i admitted it she stayed with me but now 3 months later she says its over. I love her more than anything and cant believe wat a fool i have been she is beautiful and really loved me i know i have been an arse but i cant let her go we been split up 2 weeks now i sent her a letter and flowers, she said nice gesture but nothin will change her mind. I know i have problems like drinkin too much which in letter i said was goin to stop is she serious bout not wanting to be with me? Is she testing me to see if im goin to change? Wil she ever forgive me i need her i tx her and she said if u loved me u would leave me alone which i have tried will she miss me if i give her space i miss and love her so much
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): Ur right and i will leave her my parents are moving to colorado i will go with them and let huer be thank ya all
A
female
reader, xxChristina5xx +, writes (5 January 2012):
 You can't LOVE someone if you cheat on them. If you really loved this person you wouldn't think to cheat on them in the first place. She wasn't going through your head at the time when you were cheating on her and tbh I think she can do better then a cheater. Sorry, I just say things how it is. Sometimes people do forgive and she might well do, but a leopard never changes its spots!!!If you love her that much think about what made you want to cheat in the first place. I know it sounds mean but I dont have sympathy for cheaters. if its ment to be it will work itself out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): You had such a massive chance with her. She stayed with you for 3 months before calling it a day. Like everyone else has said, leave her alone now. What a generous person she was to find out about you cheating on her, and not even with someone you perhaps had feelings for but you paid money to someone who could have had all sorts of infections or even HIV so be grateful all you lost was a relationship and not your health!
You know now to never risk a relationship again. Give yourself time to get over her, which sorry if this sounds harsh but you had no problems while you were together with her to hook up twice with strangers so getting over her won't take long if you just let her go, and then learn from this. Never treat a women like that again and your future relationships may stand a chance of lasting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): Personally OP if you have money owed to her, then I'd give that to a mutual friend that you trust to give it to her. Leaving her alone means not using the money as an excuse to contact her. I know it's hard man, break ups are the second most painful thing we'll experience after death.
By giving it to a mutual friend one that knows and likes you both, you will be respecting her. Also that friend will be able to tell her how you're doing if she asks. Doing it this way will show that you do love her and that you do respect her because it's incredibly tough to let someone you love go. Plus you need a bit of time without her in your life to get your feelings in check and your head in order which is the most important thing here. Asking her if or hoping she's okay is foolish OP, she's obviously not okay, so there's no point in asking the obvious. You can ask about her to others like, that'll get back to her too so she'll know you're still thinking about her but respectful enough to give her the space she needs too.
Stay strong man. Sort yourself out and do good by yourself and for yourself. That really is the only way to prove to her that you can and have changed. Take your time and accept that maybe she might not come back, so start going about setting up a life for yourself that you are happy with, become the person you feel you should be and build a life you can be proud of because to a woman that is the best that she can expect of any man. That is the best chance that you have of winning her back.
So just accept this pain, understand that it won't last forever and try not to beat yourself up about it too much, we all make mistakes it's how we deal with the aftermath of those mistakes that defines who we are. It would be very easy for you to turn to drink and just wallow and go downhill, in fact I have a feeling that's what she expects to happen to you. So be the man who can stand up when he's knocked down, be the man who is in control of his own life and makes good things happen for himself and that's all you can ask of yourself and that's all she can expect from you too.
Starting from now things will only get better but you have to be the one who makes these things happen. So get up off your arse and get them done.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (5 January 2012):
People who actively cheat know what they are risking. You have destroyed her trust, so the relationship you had, wont ever be the same again. If she took you back it would only turn into a toxic relationship. Cheating causes irreparable damage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): If you had slowly over time became attached to someone it would be a different problem. You went looking for seedy sex. You dont deserve a second chance.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 January 2012):
 Leave her alone and move on. She has made up her mind that she doesnt want to be with you anymore, you have hurt her beyond repair so you need to let her go. She is right - if you do really love her like you claim then you will leave her alone to get on with her life and be happy again. She cant be happy with you because you have hurt her too much, and if you love her then you will want her to be happy - but this cant be with you, so you have to stop pestering her and let her be on her own like she wants.
Yes it is hard to let go of someone you love, but you made that choice when you cheated twice. You didnt stop to think about how much you love her back then, so you have to accept your fate. You did this, not her - this is your fault so you have to realise that this is the consequence to your actions.
Stop texting her and sending her things, she needs space from you to move on. She is not going to change her mind, so leave her alone and try and move on yourself.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): I know i have been a egotistic twat and have learnt from all this cerberus ur right goin to dont cut it and am stoppin from now so no txs or anythin i owe her money not alot butwill have in few weeks shall i tx her then sayin i have her money and i hope she is ok? And by then be drink 3 for a few weeks am tryin to leave alone its been few days just cant seem to do anythin that dont remind me of her feel dead inside
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): Honeypie is right you talk the talk but you don't walk the walk.
You're "going to stop?" That's not stopping OP, that's "going to". Just stop now, don't drink any more. Simple. You say a lot of shit OP but you're not doing what you say, you just say "I'm going to" well "I'm going to" is bullshit OP.
She;s right dude, if you loved her you'd leave her alone. So actually listen to her and leave her alone. She doesn't have to test you, you failed that test and everything with you "I'm going to".
The only way you will win her back is to 1. change, give up the drinking and move on with your life become a better person without her in it and 2. Leave her the hell alone for now. Stop sending her shit, stop contacting her, leave her be and in time if you have really changed and you have moved on sorted out your life she will see it.
You see I know people with drinking problems and all they are is talk, they say they'll stop they say they'll change but they don't. They then say it so much that when they do change no one believes them because they said it all before. The only way those people ever prove to us that they have stopped is when they shut up about it and just stop. You see if they don't drink anymore then they don't feel the need to talk about drink either.
Move on, sort your life out and leave her alone. If after you've done all that she still doesn't want you back then that's her choice but right now there is nothing good about you man. So you have to make yourself someone she wants to come back to, do you understand? The more you contact her, the more talk, the more messages you send telling her you've changed, the less likely she is going to want to because she asked you one simple thing, to leave her alone and if you can't even comply with that simple request then she knows that leaving you was the right choice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 You seem to promise a lot, but you actions don't match your words.
You need to respect the fact that she doesn't trust you any further then she can throw you, and, if she says she wants space and DON'T want a relationship with you, she most likely mean it.
She tried "getting" over it, but mostly she decided that she didn't want to be with a man who have sex with hookers and hide it.
Sorry, Pal, you need to leave her alone, IF she decided she wants ANYTHING to do with you, she will contact you. You need to show her some respect.
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