A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I moved 3000 miles away from my family to be with him. We live with his parents, and that has always been a little hard for me. Anyway, the living with his parents, my school starting to suck because of budget cuts, and not being able to find a job has made me really emotional and confused and I started to think that living there wasn't what I wanted. I decided to move back home to clear my head, and I just blew $700 on shipping my stuff back. After being back here for a little while, I realized that I made a huge mistake and now I want to move back in with my boyfriend and his parents. My boyfriend and I never broke up, and have been doing the long distance thing, and his parents said I'm welcome back whenever. But now I feel horrible for making my family shift their lives around to accomdate me and I'm going to leave them again after a couple of months. I guess what I'm trying to ask is does this make me a horrible person? I feel so bad for doing this to my family, and leaving them again. I can't help it though, I literally feel sick to my stomach because I want to move back with my boyfriend so bad. I haven't stopped crying since I moved here because I knew that I made the wrong choice. How do I get my family to understand that I don't mean to hurt them, and my boyfriend truly makes me happy and I need to be with him again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): You've made no mistake, and you have to always look out for yourself, so you did the right thing. Your parents will understand, because they will feel comfortable with you always taking the safe path in life. Change is healthy, and you might be crying for now, but when you move back to your boyfriend's family's place, you will most likely look back on your temporary break from all the pressure and thank yourself for the relief. You said it yourself, you need to clear your head at times in life. Look on the bright side, you are very blessed with his parents' hospitality and caring for you and your decision, and your parents always waiting with open arms in case you fall. Don't be so hard on yourself, you sound very grounded and intelligent, and sometimes things like that just happen in life.
A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 You're not a horrible person. Just talk to them, as your family (who I am sure loves you) there is a good chance they will come around. Broach the subject tactfully, don't just blurt out that you are miserable and want to leave. Mention how much you miss him very often, confide in whoever you are closest with that you are having thoughts of going back, and gauge their reaction. Let them all know gently that its on your mind. If they see how unhappy you are, they probably expect the change on a certain level. Then once its well known that you have been thinking about it, making the decision to go back will be easier.
Also, though, is it impossible for your boyfriend to join you, and live near your family? Maybe he could try. It would be more fair! Good luck.
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A
male
reader, saltwater  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 No, it doesn't make you a horrible person, and in all honesty, I think your family will understand. You tell your family that you love them, that you'll always be there for them, like they have you, and you simply explain that would like to be with your boyfriend again. I'm sure your family would want you to be happy, rather than to be unhappy, if that's the case as it is now.
In case they don't understand, well, there's not much you can do in the short term; are an adult, you can make your own decisions. The best thing would be to write a letter to your family after a couple of weeks; nothing does the trick better than a letter.
I would just say...what are you going to do to make sure that this time when you move back in with your boyfriend and his parents will be different? If it made you confused and emotional the first time, who's to say the same circumstances won't happen the next time?
If living with his parents is a little hard, it probably always will, and will probably still bug you when you go back. Maybe think about renting a flat with your boyfriend, trying harder to get that job...just something fresh, to make sure you don't repeat the same circumstances that led to the confusion of the first time.
Good luck.
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