A
female
age
41-50,
*oneyB
writes:My husband had a secret relationship with my now ex-bestfriend. She's been in my life since elementary school and I've been with him since high school. They both said that there was no intimacy....but they both had feelings for eachother. They just so happened to decide not to talk anymore...the day before I found out. I think they just made that up because I found phone records of calls up until that day. Anyway, I just can't get past it. My husband and I already had a bad marriage and my friend knew all about it. I am so angry with them both that I could just scream. To say the least, I am no longer friends with that girl...but I am still married to my husband. OH...by the way, the "friendship" went on for over a year. The first time I told them that I wasn't comfortable with it and I wanted it to stop. The second time I found out, I cut off all links to that friend....now here's a 3rd time that I find out that they still talk and he even goes to her house. What are your thoughts???????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): To answer you:I agree, your cheating hb should leave. not you.you miss this woman bec she was a part of your life for so many decades. however view her as an enemy and try to become indifferent to her existence. get busy with other people - start befriending others. join a social club and expand your network of friends.just keep busy.DO NOT LET HER INTO YOUR LIFE AT ALL. just think of her as 'dearly departed'.LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): I am so sorry for you, however, I am going through the same thing. I found out in September, and my children are the ones that told me. Needless to say, I thought I was going crazy. I had been married for 38 years, and TRUST was the one thing that I had always had with my husband. My best friend, we met in high school and had been friends for 43 years. I thought after all that happened when I found out, he would stop. I cried for a couple of months, I couldn't stand to look at him, I didn't even want to hear his voice, ride in the car with him or even been seen with him. I approached her by telephoning her, with her never calling back. I e-mailed her this past December, to tell how I had really missed her being in my life, that to just give me time, and maybe some day, I could face her again. Now, here is is Feb. and I have found out, basically it never stopped, only for a few weeks My 3 grown children are devastated. They have always put him above me because they respected him so much. Now, they are so hurt, I don't think they will ever feel the same toward him. They all think I should leave, however, I think he is the one that should leave. I know there will be a third time, I am not stupid. I have told him if that is what he wants, go for out. He constantly denies to me, there was never anything sexually, but, she is known for having and affair with a married man before. I am torn, I still can't believe that I miss her. I don't know what I would do if I saw her face to face. Also, everytime I look into my husband's face, I see betrayal, I don't think I will ever get over it, trust is gone, faith is gone, and heart has been broken not once but twice.
Advice please!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 February 2011):
 Get the best lawyer you can afford and go for the big bucks, adultery can cost in some states.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 February 2011):
 You're aware it takes two to tango..you ended the friendship but yet you're still married to your husband that went behind your back as well. Plus, you two have already have a bad marriage, and it doesn't look like they're going to give up their affair. 3 strikes, he's out..Draw up divorce papers and nab him for adultery.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): He's having an affair.
She's not your friend.
They are both lying to you.
Don't kid yourself.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (16 February 2011):
My thoughts are that with friends and relationships like these, who needs enemies? Your best friend is supposed to have your back. She's supposed to listen to your relationship problems and support you and help you trash talk your husband when you're venting, and give you advice. She is NOT supposed to be cheating with your husband. And your husband is supposed to be your partner, the person that would never betray you. The one that you can always turn to and rely on. Not the one hitting on your friend and sneaking around behind your back.
Cut the trash out of your life. You've already done that with your friend, but your husband played just as equal a role in this betrayal. And he still hasn't stopped betraying you and lying to you. 3 times = strike, you're out!
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A
female
reader, katiebudge  +, writes (16 February 2011):
 thats awful to hear and i can imagine how you feel, the two people you trust most in your life have both hurt you, and your husband needs to respect that that is how you feel. maybe you should take some time apart, so you can have your own space to think and clear your head. its good for you too to keep you calm. everyone needs there own space especially if you've been hurt. fair enough if they are just speaking to each other, but if its in secret, what's the need? unless it was something they wanted to hide, so it is defently understandable how you feel so don't ever feel that your feelings are wrong. maybe speaking to both of them separtely too. make them explain everything to you, everything they spoke about everything they did together. not knowing the exact truth will make things worse for you because you'll start thinking things that may not be true, so you need to find it out. if they dont want to speak to you then they are obviously hiding something so thats your time to go your own way, if they tell you everything and they have both the same story then you can go over it, maybe get professional help with it and have your own space and then decide what you want from then. but remember you are the most important person and you need to care for you first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): that is horrible. I am so sorry for you. Leave him, obviously its not stopping. find a real man that loves you.
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