A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please, I really need some advice on this topic I am 21 years old and come from a pretty traditional Italian family. I live at home since I am finishing up my degree. Recently I started dating this guy from work and am crazy about him! He makes me so happy (he’s also my first boyfriend) Problem is my parents don’t approve of him. It all started about a year ago when I first started seeing him. His car had broken down at the time and so I was driving over to his place a lot and my dad did NOT like this. He believes that the woman should never go to the man's place. Other reasons he doesn’t like him is cuz he’s 30, not the same race as us, and his family it not here (they are still back home and to my dad that’s not a good thing) anyways, he got it in his head that this guy was using me and wanted me to dump him. I refused and we have been struggling ever since.At first my dad didn’t want him coming over...he didn’t want anything to do with him so we never hung out at my house. After I while I didn’t want to bring him around anymore since I felt uncomfortable having him here with all the tension. Again, after a while my dad didn’t allow me to go to his house anymore, but I snuck around and got away with it for a while.they went away to Europe for a month and me and my bf went on a couple day trips and such...I don’t know how but my parents found out and stopped trusting me. They started to follow me around and found out that we were going to his house instead of the movies. They took away the car from me and are not allowing me to go to his place. He can come here, we can go out but we can’t ever go to his place. It was either this or break up with him!! It’s so frustrating!!. All this has really put a toll on my relationship with my parents. They feel like they have failed me and that I don’t care for them anymore since I choose to stay with this man instead of dump him to make them happy, but I can't do it! I care too much for him but at the same time I want my family's approval. This tension is also putting a strain on the relationship since we don’t really have the freedom to do much (I also have a curfew and am only allowed to go out with him on weekends) I don’t know what to do. They say I’m being selfish for staying with him. Is this true? Am I really missing something here? Am I doing the wrong thing by staying with him? All I want is to be with him and see where this relationship is heading and to have my family back. Please, please help! I really need some advice Anna Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 As soon as you possibly can arrange it, get your own place. Once you no longer live under your parent's roof, you can do whatever you want. As long as you live with them and they provide for you, they can set the rules. Sometimes the child has to leave before the parents fully realize their child is now an adult and should be treated like one.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 It is very sad when parents don't approve of their daughters b/f. Some traditional families frown on inter marriages and they can even go to the length of ex communicating their children .
Parents should think of their children's happiness and not their own desires. They should treat their children as adults once they reached 21. They should let them decide who they want as their mates. They can give advise and that is all they can do.
Many a parent forced their children to choose or have a show down. Some girls would run away and marry their b/f and leaving their parents behind.
After some time , the parents may no longer object and welcome them back.
If you think , this is your true love, you will have to choose your own destiny. Your parents have their own life and you need to start out on your own.
It is not your fault and you cannot be blamed because your parents are traditional thinking and not modernized.
Times have changed but your parents are still caught in a time warp.
You can have him first and later your parents may accept you and your b/f when they cannot change your mind.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (11 February 2008):
 You are not being selfish at all! Your parents are being completely unreasonable.There are a million worse things you could be doing, you are in a committed relationship with someone that loves you. They are the ones making the situation complicated.If this is the worst thing that you could do, they should be very grateful.You're not doing anything wrong and your happiness should be their priority.
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