A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am curious or rather confused about my friend's sexuality. I don't know whether he is gay or bisexual. When he is around me, he acts very masculine and straight. I catch him staring at women when we hang out. I am 25, he is 32 and married to a man though so initially I would know he is gay. Could it be possible that he is bisexual though? I am afraid to ask because I might offend him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 September 2016):
 FYI I am gay. And I would never be offended about someone asking me about my sexuality. I would much rather them ask me directly than talk about it behind my back.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 September 2016):
My question is why does it really matter? Either way, if it bothers you that much, I don't see any reason why you can't just ask him. I highly doubt he would be offended.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2016): I would think if he was a friend, his sexual-orientation wouldn't be a matter under study. You can always ask if you really require a confirmation.
Why does it matter? He's married to a man. Should he be treated any differently? Does it raise him on some kind of scale of respect or acceptance? He's still homosexual; even if bisexual. It is a fact that he's emotionally and sexually-attracted to men.
I am gay. I had sex with women before I had sex with men. I don't want sex with women anymore; although I like to look at pretty curvy women. I have a boyfriend. We are both masculine in appearance, because you can be gay and a man too. If you mean we don't display feminine mannerisms, or you can't fit us into a gay stereotype. A whimsical description of us is "butch."
No, you can't tell a gay man by how he talks, looks, or moves. You can only stereotype by obvious traits considered "gay-traits" by straight people. Some straight-men are delicate or effeminate. Just being handsome and stylish stereotypes men as gay.
Gay men are not all effeminate and flamboyant. We don't hate women because we are attracted to men. A pretty woman turns heads regardless of gender; just as a really hot buff guy will catch the attention of straight-men as quickly as he would a gay man's gaze.
Try not to fit him into any sort of category. He's a man and a friend. Isn't that enough?
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (2 September 2016):
 You know that your friend is married to a man, and he has chosen not to explain his personal preferences any further than that. I agree with the others - respectfully, it's none of your business unless he chooses to discuss it with you. And you are right; asking him for more details could easily be seen as offensive, so it's wise of you to have kept your questions to yourself. The nuances of his sexual orientation shouldn't be relevant to the platonic friendship you share.
Hope this helps. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2016):
 It's none of your business?
He is your friend not someone you are dating. He is married so IF he has wanted to SHARE the "tidbits" of his sexual orientation, he probably has with his wife.
Why do you think you need to know? Because you are curious?
Not everyone wants to "wear" their sexuality on their forehead and "share" that with everyone. So accept that he IS who he is regardless of what he MIGHT be sexually attracted to.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (2 September 2016):
 Also, not all gay men are "camp" and not all "camp" men are gay.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 September 2016):
Honestly, it's as irrelevant as his eye colour - it's only important to know in certain situations and this isn't one of them.
Curiosity is fine, but he's married to a man and his sexuality isn't important, unless he becomes single again. Gay men can notice attractive women too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2016): NO Bi-man would ever force themselves to marry a man if he wanst into them. He chosed his husband, why do you feel like its your business to care? When gay men check out women its because
1) They just happen to be in the way
2) Finds them attractive in general (Im a straight woman that can find many women attractive and its not sexual)
3) Feels like they are a competition to his man
Thats it.
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A
female
reader, Flower89  +, writes (2 September 2016):
 No you shouldn't ask him, that is his business if he wants to diclose it.
He is clearly committed to a man though.
I have a lot of Gay friends some are camp and some you would have no idea they were Gay. Not every gay guy wears pink and dances around you know.
As of looking at women. I have had several gay friends tell me my boobs are great, or I look good or my dress is fab.Doesn't mean they want me in anyway because they are Gay!
So I take it the same way as I would from a female friend nothing more than a compliment.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (2 September 2016):
 Hi there
I think asking someone to disclose their sexuality is as intrusive as asking someone how much money they earn so no i wouldn't be doing that but seriously Why does it matter, how does you knowing fit into the friendship? do you fancy him a bit? Hope not because he's taken
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