A
female
age
36-40,
*oastalGirl
writes:I have been with my partner for 9 months and I am in love with him but his issues with premature ejaculations is leaving me frustrated. He refuses to seek help claiming that he has always been like this (he is now 46). He gets hard and he has no problems with penetration. However, he comes within 20 seconds. I love sex and I feel like I can't spend the rest of my life sexually dissatisfied. I am so intensely attracted to him, I love spending time with him and would love to continue building a life with him but any talk about the PE gets shut down. I used to be all over him like rash and now as much as I crave his touch, I stop myself as I can't deal with the disappointment I know I will feel afterwards. I am beginning to think that I need to end things with him as I can't see this situation improving and that the heart ache is easier to deal with then the let down
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2016): PE is a sure sign of fatigue and it could be physical as well as mental fatigue.He shoud see his doctor.
I suppose it is out of question to do it more than once, because the second time it becomes much easier for him to hold back and make it last longer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2016): End it. He's 46! Maybe there is nothing he can do about it. You've only known him 9 months. Shouldn't be that hard to do.
Easy to give a list of suggestions and not have a penis to know if or how it works isn't it?
He's not being selfish, I think that might be a little unfair to say. It's a humiliating condition for men. He's most likely in denial and too embarrassed to even address it. I'm sure 20 seconds might be an exaggeration. It takes longer than that to get a full erection. If you don't have a penis, you wouldn't understand. Does it make a woman frigid if she takes forever to achieve an orgasm? Is she selfish if she doesn't like to give oral-sex?
If he's too proud to address the issue. Let him go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 September 2016):
 Also if he KNOWS he finishes after 20 seconds WHY isn't he at LEAST making sure you are satisfied? By hand and/or mouth?
He is a utterly selfish lover.
I would be very up front about it, because you WILL start to resent that "this" is the love life you have. Why settle for that?
I DO think most guys who deals with PE doesn't want to discuss it, not with their partner nor their doctor. I think they see it as an "attack on their masculinity. So bear that in mind.
However, PE doesn't mean he HAS to leave you unsatisfied. THAT is HIS choice to do nothing more that penetrate and pump a few times.. seriously? He thinks that is sex?
Sit him down, talk.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 September 2016):
 You need to let him know how you feel, just because you're compatible in other parts of the relationship doesn't always mean you're sexually compatible which is the case here and for a lot of people it can be a deal breaker.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (2 September 2016):
I understand this must be very painful for you and its not easy to deal with since he will not talk to you or get some help.But men in general are very hard to talk to on this issue,because in no way do they want to admit they have a problem,never mind dealing with it .However as this is upsetting you every time it happens,you might consider asking him to go to see a doctor,and making him aware that you might end the relationship if he is not willing to get some help.But i would be gentle,loving but firm about this when talking to him.Love is very special,and requires a lot of understanding on Both sides.Kind regards NORA B.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (2 September 2016):
 Obviously time for an adult conversation. There is a lot to try - everything from thicker condoms to desensitising gel. Perhaps even a mild sedative or something similar. He might also want to try relieving himself beforehand so that his state of arousal is not as intense. Your family practitioner could help but he needs to admit that there is a problem first. Viagra would help him maintainan errection after his climax so he could still continue to satisfy you. He has to want to though. If he doesn't then you have your answer.
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