A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Its been just over 5 years with my fiance, we have a house, a 3year old, lots of debt...We have had a wonderful 5 years together. Like any relationship, we have had ups and downs....Last year I proposed to him. We have always agreed we want to spend the rest of our lives together, he accepted but also thought it was the wrong "timing" as he put it. It was decided it was up to him to set the actual date. A year later....still no dateOur last argument was about trust issues, he emotionall cheated, it really hurt and im still working on trusting him. When he realized i didnt trust him he took his ring off and said he didnt want it back until i completly trusted him. I don't know what to think. I find it hard to ever want to give the ring back to him...he gave me back my vow of marriage to him, that really hurt. Im sure hes hurt b/c i dont trust him. so now what...we have both had our feelings hurt, he wants the ring back, but how can i give it back when i was told it was the wrong timing to begin with...also its been a year waiting for a simple date...whats his excuse? money is his excuse. Im frustrated, he gave me back something really important over an argument. His actions leading up to it all suggest he never really intends on marrying me... I feel i can;t wait much longer to be given the title of his wife, do you think he will ever give it to me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): Why do you want to get married to him when (a) he emotionally cheated (b) you don't trust him (and rightfully so) (c) he was already dragging his feet to begin with He is also being emotionally abusive to you. Not only did he cheat on you but he has the gall to be guilt-tripping you over your lack of trust re giving you back his ring. hello? He is the one who emotionally cheated. Of course you don't trust him. Yet he is putting on this show like you're the one at fault for not trusting him. your relationship is messed up.Why do you want to get married??? It's actually good for you that you are not married to him.You think marriage will solve relationship problems? NO! It just makes it's harder and far more expensive to walk away when you find the problems are insurmountable and you are miserable with each other.You think marriage will tie him down so he won't leave you? NO. He has emotionally cheated already, he can certainly do it even after marriage (or worse). It sounds like you are very focused on being married. Why? Perhaps you should examine what it means to you to be married, and whether him and your relationship are measuring up to your values and expectations of marriage.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): You don't trust this man and yet you want to be the rest of your life with him - why?
If the issues are from your past,rather than from anything he did, then maybe some counselling would help.
Marriage is for life, so try and think whether you would be happy.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 CaringGuy is right as always, there are a lot of problems in your relationship. You don't trust him and yet you want to take a vow to be together always? Why would you get married to someone you don't trust? Why would you get married now if you're in debt and can't afford your lifestyle?
It really sounds like you are placing too much importance on getting married and not on the fact that you need a solid relationship.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 December 2010):
The problem is that you're forcing the issue of marriage whilst there are clearly huge issues in your relationship. You two getting married would be a huge mistake right now. There is no trust, he's emotionally cheated and you're in debt. This would just be a nightmare.
I think you two need to start over, and focus on the basics here. You need to get out there and date, you need to be sorting your finances out, you need to be making sure you are both ready for marriage. Marriage will not make any of the problems you have go away, and in fact will make them worse.
Forget marriage right now, and focus on sorting the fundamental parts of your relationship out. Until you do that, he won't marry you, and he'd be right. You can't marry unless the relationship is working. And yours isn't right now.
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