A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:One of my closest friends had cancer, recovered well, got the all clear 2 years ago. We all supported her through it.She also has an obsession with pain in her mouth and has been seeing specialists for almost 3 yrs and they can't find a reason. She is still receiving treatment as they try to eliminate the possible cause.She begged for her top teeth to be removed and the maxiofacial clinic gave in and did it against their better judgmentShe is on various medications from pain killers to anti-depressants.In the past few months she has overdosed several times. The most recent was this weekend when her heart stopped, it was the worst she has been. She said she wished they hadn't revived her as she doesn't want to live anymore. At the same time she always rings for help or makes sure she times the overdoses for when somebody is due round.Her grown kids are distraught, angry and coming to the end of their patience. We, her friends just don't know what to do as we are sure one day we will turn up and find her body so most people just stay away as she moans and brings them down too..It's a tragic situation all round and sometimes I feel like I should just let her get on with it..but know I can't turn my back in case the worst happens.What do I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answers. She is now on a new medication and is seeing 2 specialists next week.
She is still in bed a lot and won't make an effort to go out but we are all hoping she has turned a corner.
Since the last OD more friends have called in but they just find her hard going so I hope they don't give up.
I have been once but I cannot cope emotionally as a close relative took their own life a few years ago and I don't want to have to face the aftermath again. Once she is stable I will go
Again thanks.
A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (7 May 2014):
 It's very difficult and frustrating to help a person who won't help themselves. My sister and I have this with our elderly father so I can understand what it must be like for her family, and for you.
There isn't a great deal you can do under the circumstances other than to be patient with her. You can only really make her feel as comfortable as possible and support her needs and wishes. If you try to advise or fight her you will only end up driving yourself mad. In my own situation my sister and I (we are both your age) have learned to just go along with it all and make the best of things, if only for our own sanity. On the part of your friend it's a form of selfishness and she probably doesn't fully realise the effect she's having on you all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2014): She has escaped cancer so should be celebrating life, she is cured.Sounds like she liked the attention it got her and now things have settled down the only way to get the attention back is to overdose.She needs professional help she does sound like a masochist I agree and a very selfish one to put the ones that care through this.What to do is let her family deal with it by getting her professional help.You see her only when you want or can cope with it.
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (6 May 2014):
 Hi,
It's difficult I have bowel cancer and on the one hand you don't want to burden those around you, but sometimes you just want someone to be there so you aren't alone.
In this case however I have to say it sounds like your friend is suffering from some type of masochistic tendency. It almost sounds like she is trying to do things to hurt herself so it hurts those around her.
I have said to other people in similar circumstances, that it's a cry for attention and every time someone gives in an gives her any attention she levels back out.
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