A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear readers im looking for advice, when i was younger i was with this guy who always cheated on me and played me round like i was nothing, and i dont think i ever was to him. now im in a rewarding relationship but i find it hard to trust my boyfriend even though i think i know he wont cheat on me. i just cant forget how the other guy abused me and took advantage of the love ( i thought was love) i had. just sometimes i get anxious or scared that my bf now will do the same. do you think this is because of what happened to me before? is there any way of getting past this annoying vice?
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male
reader, RayBones  +, writes (30 January 2011):
 This is such a horrible feeling. i really sympathize with you and I hope you can conquer it quickly.When you have a nasty break-up people always advise to distract yourself and try to mov eon and that time will heal all.It doesn'tWith time the pain will subside but the wound is still there, and now that you have a new boyfriend that wound is beginning to fester.At this point, conventional wisdom may say that settling up with your abusive ex is good medicine. Problem is, the guy seems like he was bad news and if he lied and cheated you can't really trust what he says. It's difficult, but if that's the route you want to go, you have to cultivate an adult, mature communication with this guy and get to the bottom of why. Resolving and coming to terms with that could really make you feel better, and feeling better, by proxy, will make you feel better about your relationship.There also is counseling. There are really good professionals out there who can help you work through issues like insecurity. It may be costly, or embarrassing though.Here's my personal favorite solution that I just thought of. Communicate with your new man. It sounds like he is a great dude who may be accustomed to "feelings".Specifically when you said, "now im in a rewarding relationship but i find it hard to trust my boyfriend even though i think i know he wont cheat on me" it sounds like you feel that your insecurities are just your crazy thoughts, but if you share those than they go away. When you express them to your man let him know you trust him, and that you have this little feeling in the back of your mind and you know it's crazy and unsubstantiated, but that is the nature of emotions. They don't always make sense. Hence, they aren't called "Logics".You share and you'll feel better for venting. He will get an ego boost and feel good too, better yet he will feel better about sharing his crazy thoughts with you, and I promise you he is having crazy thoughts that he thinks are dumb too. you both share the crazy stuff, you communicate, you feel better, and you'll have a stronger relationship to boot.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): Unless this guy has given u a reason to think that I wouldn't compare ur new relationship to ur old one. Because u will do this to every relationship that u encounter! Does he know about the other guy and how u were treated? Be honest with the new guy and tell him that's what u want in return is honesty!!
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