A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well i´m gay and i cant sum up the courage to tell my parents. what should i do? i could move away, very far away. Or should i just stay single my whole life. i want children though, even if they are adopted. i dont want to live life scared.
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female
reader, JuneB  +, writes (21 October 2011):
Talking from experience I can clearly say Don't Leave Home because for all you know your mum could be like me. I suspected my son was gay then it was confirmed when I saw him kissing his boyfriend. Seeing my grown son kissing another man was a shock but it was nothing compared to the feeling of hurt and sadness I felt when my son announced he was applying for a job transfer to Australia.I know the main reason for the transfer is because he doesn't want us to feel he's let us down, he doesn't want us to think bad things about him and he doesn't want our pride in him and our attitude towards him to change. I don't want to confront him with what I know, I want him to feel he can tell us when the time is right for him but if he never feels the time is right and he moves away then we will loose him forever and it will break my heart. If you don't feel the time is right to "come out" then don't tell your family but DON'T leave home, life is hard enough, it will be even harder without the support of the people who truly care for you and love you.
A
male
reader, RaPhiCK  +, writes (30 May 2010):
well if your gay you can freely live life the way you want, you can move away, but if you can tell you parents about it, better tell this matter to them you just to wait for the right time, then maybe if they can't accept you that's the only time to move away, and if you want to have children why don't you marry a lesbian instead, good luck, just chill, don stress out yourself too much..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): I have the berry same problim but I am only thirteen so you probily don't care but thats hard to tell them and I'm not sure if I am bysexual but if I am I probily won't tell anyone and just marry a girl well anyway I think you should tell them mabey over phone or text and see how they react but they should be fine with it anyway good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): I strongly recommend telling your parents. I told mine - my mom that is, my Dad passed away before I had the chance. I didn't have the courage to say it out loud and I'm still working on that in my every day life. I had the courage though to write it down on paper. My Mom was a little surprised and wasn't sure how to approach me, and gave me some space for a day or so. I think she wan't to know if I was in a relationship with a women, or how could I know. You know if you get warm fuzzy feelings around the same sex and think about talking with them, etc and also if the opposite sex doesn't give you the same reaction. Anyhow, my Mom told me she loves me no matter who I love or am attracted to. And the same goes for the rest of my family. Though I'm not actively out in the rest of my life...working on it though. Good luck to you! You'll be fine.
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male
reader, bobby472  +, writes (27 June 2009):
Take it from me. You can NEVER run away from your fears. Ive tried it and it only makes things worse. I thought as tho you did. My biggest fear was the my family would regect me. So I held it all in, then after grad I left as soon as I could. due to severe depression I become suicidal. After my last attempt, my parents were called by the hospital. They came to see me, my mother knew that I was gay for many years she said. She was only waiting for me to get comfortable enough to come out. Which kinda pissed me off somewhat. But my whole family is totaly fine with me being gay. I just wish that communication between parents and kinds was alot better when it comes to sexuality and stuff. If I would of known that they were fine with it, I would of come out when I was young. I didnt come out till I was 22. If I had come out in school, my life would of been totaly different. I wouldnt have gone through so much depression, to which I still suffer today. Im 23 now, and still have difficulties accepting my sexuality and have a big problem with trusting people. If your father joked about it, it probably means they know. But that they are only waiting for you to say something. they dont want to intrude and push you away or something. But it is all up to you. If you accept who you really are, then tell them. No parent should hate their child on such a stupid reason. You are their flesh and blood. They should love you no matter what. I hope the best for you.
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female
reader, ladydela +, writes (24 June 2009):
 look running away is not gonna solve anything sooner or later your parents will visit or call then wat? and if you stay single you will always be thinking wat life would've been like with someone you need to have them sit down and you need to talk to them but if you that scared right them a note then dont talk to them for about 2-3 days to let them sink it all in dont worry all problems have to be resolved sooner or later
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): Chances are your dad was serious. He may have said it in a joking was so you didn't feel uncomfortable. You are 17, I didn't tell my parents I was gay until I was 20. There is no rush so if you don't feel you can tell them now then do it a bit later on. You don't need to keep it a secret forever, always stay single or move far away!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): what an horrible guy to try and blackmail you. Well done you for telling him to get lost. Mate there's lots of advice here and only you can make the choice about when or if to tell your parents.
I reckon your dad was not joking, but laughed so you and he would not be embarrassed by his comment if he was wrong. Think about the kind of relationship you have with your parents. Are they interested in you as a person, do they spend time talking and listening to you? Do you all enjoy each others company? If the answer to these questions is yes then you have good loving parents who may or may not be surprised by your news. They will however, come to realise that who you sleep with does not make you the person you are. Best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand when i told an adult about me being gay. he was like 9 years older then me. it turns out he was gay too and threatened to black mail me if i didnt do things with him. i said i´d call the cops if he touched me and i´m pretty much tramatized.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy dad once told me when he was drunk that your mother and i think you are gay but he started laughing afterwards so i dont know if he was serious so i laughed along with him. My mom and dad are really quiet about their views about gays so i dont know how to update any one about them and their views.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): The advice below is very well-intentioned, but I'd still be careful about coming out to your parents. So much depends on how they feel about homosexuals. Could you maybe give us some indication about their views?
If you know for a fact that they're perfectly OK with gay people, then it's as simple as Ego says: all you need to do is say 'mum, dad, I'm gay'.
If you're sure that one or both of them would disapprove, it's best to keep it to yourself for the foreseeable future.
If the answer is somewhere in between, and like most people they've no very strong views one way or the other (i.e. they claim not to be homophobic but do look down on gays a little bit, or see us as somehow perverted), then you need to take it slowly.
Also - do they have any idea already that you're gay? Some people are more obviously gay, at an earlier age, than others. I'm 19, and I'd say everyone I socialise with and went to school with has known I'm gay for about three or four years. I can't hide it very well - my voice, the way I walk, the way I move my hands, everything about me sort of says '200% gay!!!' I'm OK for people to know about it, though I don't go around boasting about it.
But I haven't come out to my parents, though I've never heard them say anything homophobic. I just don't see that they need to know. (They probably guess). So, if I get home at midday on a Sunday with my thighs still shaking from the night's action, I'll make an effort not to totally flounce around the place. If they ask me 'how was your night?', I'll lie through my teeth and say something like 'I went for a few beers with the lads' as opposed to 'I picked up these two gorgeous hot studs and went back to their place for a three-way.' If a guy phones me, I'll make sure to text-message instead of talking dirty down the phone within ear-shot. And if I want a night in with my favourite c**k-buddy, I either go to his place, or only bring him over to mine if they're away for the weekend. It's just being discreet.
Have you any brothers or sisters who could help? My sister (who's 22) knows I'm gay. She knows, because she bumped into me a few months ago in a gay bar wearing a pink crop-top with 'HELLO BOYS' printed on it. I was in shock, I had no idea what to say, but she smiled and hugged me and said 'I saw you on the dancefloor with that guy's tongue down your throat - he's very cute, isn't he!!' To put it mildly, she didn't seem surprised. I begged her not to tell anyone, and I'm sure I can trust her.
Sorry for going on about me - my point is, for a variety of reasons, your parents are often the last people you'd want to find out. In an ideal world, you'd be able to bring home your boyfriends without any worries. But sadly, society hasn't quite moved on to that level yet.
I really hope it works out for you. Feel free to give us more information and we'll do whatever we can to help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): Ego what a lovely story about your friend. I also advise you tell your parents. I am a mother of three and as said earlier, it's my children i love. I also have a friend who was considered hard, a real mans, man. When his son left a letter to tell him and his wife that he was gay, he was fine. As a matter of fact he'd said when his son was young they had said all the .. what if our son was gay?.. and his response was always he's my son and i love him. He has been true to his word. More importantly he was aware that his son was not happy and was extrememly worried about him. Once his son came out and was accepted and still very much loved he became a happy out going person. You've nothing to loose really babe. Be true to you, you have a long life ahead.Good luck xx
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Why can't you tell them? Living a lie would be a million times harder. Moving away is not really an option either. That would just be running from your problems.
You need to deal with this.
Is there any adults you know you could talk to about this? Maybe they can help you put it into words.
Gay, straight.. I'd feel the same way about any of my kids. It's not their sexual orientation I love - it's them and their personalities.
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male
reader, ego  +, writes (18 June 2009):
i had a friend about your age, we all knew he was gay and we kept telling him but somehow he was the last to find out!?
everyones gay these days and proud of it,maybe if this was the thirtys id have diffrent advise, (stay quite - see a priest - live in shame) but today people understand,imsure yourparents will!
and if they dont.... then move far far away.
you know yourtellthem one day so tellthem today.
mum,dad im gay. itsonlythe truth.
by the way,my friend who told his parents, they turned around and said, yes we know...we were wondering when youd figure it out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): If you don't want a live life Scared, then the answer is NOT running away. The moment you run away, you will live a life much worse than anything you can imagine.
Sum up that courage...it is 1000x easier to just tell your parents than running away...trust me :)
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