A
female
age
41-50,
*elly44221
writes:how do you keep a sexual relationship from escalating into more? i will start off by saying that i am involved with a man who i thought was the man of the dreams. i fell in love with him instantly we have been together almost 4 years and we have 2 kids together. in that time he has never worked or tried to help me with bills or things for our children so bascially i am the breadwinner. and just to clarify he did have a job when we met. about 6 months ago i had purchased a car and it needed some work so i took it to the closest repair shop to have them work on it. the owner of this company was also the one who worked on my car and after he did the first repair he called me when it was done and since he got it done so fast i jokingly told him i should give him a tip. the next repair came up and he said to me when are you going to give me my tip. well this kind of flirting went on for a few months and a few weeks ago he called me and told me that he wanted us to be friends with benefits and and that he wasnt looking to fall in love and since i was having so many issues at home i said ok. so since then we have talked everday and we hang out everyday but we have only had sex twice. now mind you i told him i was involved and he told me he was divorced. ok so here is where this gets messy. i found out the other day from him that he is married to another woman who is apparantly a good mother to his kids and she is very successful. but he doesnt care what she does and she doesnt care what he does. i know for a fact that he spends from 8 am to midnite away from her everday. ok so recently i have been feeling like i am getting more and more attached to him beyond just sex. when i am upset i call him if i need something he is always there to help. he is smart and sexy and omg we have so much fun together. i dont know how to control what i am feeling. i have 2 boys with my boyfriend and i want him to be around for his kids but at the same time we have no relationship at all. we can sit in a room for 24 hours together and not even look at each other. i see this other guy and im like a giddy little school girl. he came to my job to see me the other day and i told a girl that works with me that i just love that man..so i dont know what to do. i dont know how he feels. i do know he will never leave his wife. so what should i do? i think about him from the minute i wake up to the minute i go to bed. has anyone else ever been in this situation?
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female
reader, kelly44221 +, writes (19 June 2009):
kelly44221 is verified as being by the original poster of the question gina,
i know you are right. i told him last night that i didnt want anything to do with him anymore unless i need my car repaired. he acted like i was nuts. he said i must be some kind of psycho to kick someone to the curb that has been doing everything he can to help me the past few months. and i said exactly what you said. i said what about your wife and kids? and you know what he said? he said his wife doesnt care. so i dont know but im not trying to go down that road anyfurther. it was stupid and a big mistake and i def do not want to lose the guy at my house he just ticks me off. he doesnt seem to care about bills or if these babies need anything. and i am so wore out and tired from working and im ticked off that i never get to see my babies. when my daughter was little i spent the first 5 years of her life with her and i went back to work after she started kindergarten but god my one son is 18 months and ive missed so much. and my other one is 9 months. he wont even look for a job thats what pisses me off more than anything. if he were trying i could understand especially the way things are going now. i worked through both pregnancies and i went back to work the day after i got out of the hospital. i guess i just dont get why a man with a family doesnt want to take care of them. but i appreciate your comment and i agree with you im leaving him alone
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