A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am in a moral dilemma. I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years now and both of us love each other more than anything else and planning to get married. In fact, I never thought that I can love someone so selflessly before I met him. But there is something that's been bothering me for a long time now. Before I met him I have had 3 other relationships, one of which was very physical. I didn't give much importance because I always thought when I find the right person he will understand. He is the right person, I so know he is. I have not told him about these because he will never understand, he has told me that he will never be able to bear it if I had been with someone else and he believes that I have not been coz I was a virgin when he made love to me the first time (my physical intimacy with the others didn't cross that level). He once told me that if that was the case it will hurt him deeply and we can never be the same again and will have to be apart. And he trusts me completely, since I have not hidden anything from him except this since I know for sure I will lose him. It kills me to hear him say that both of us are true to each other and nothing will separate us. I was childish and unthinking and did not stop to think of things before doing them before but now, I have changed, perceptive of his ideas and thoughts and am a completely different person. He had also changed drastically, since when I met him first he was very cool about everything, only after he fell in love with me did he realize/start getting possessive and couldn't bear to think of me having a past. I live in a country where most people are traditional in values and morals and he is the same... he believes in one woman-one man for life and I am the first woman he loved and been with. I love him very deeply and I cannot live without him. I have given myself to him in all ways and am completely vulnerable when it comes to his needs and thoughts. I never want to hurt him in any way but I do not have the courage to tell him anything but I can't stop thinking about my past and regretting it. I do not want to lose him. I can't console myself, I have started hating myself since I feel I am cheating him. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): dump him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I can deal with him being possessive. He is a wonderful guy. But I feel guilty that I am hiding something from him.
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A
female
reader, Mels  +, writes (2 February 2009):
If you tell him, you lose him, or chances are you will lose him. You say you regret your past, I think you have everything to lose telling him.
Keep it for yourself, you have nothing to be ashamed of cause you have not cheated on him, you are the person he loves regardless.
But can you cope with him beng so possessive?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Dont tell him not a big deal
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