A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I know ppl are supposed to get stressed and depressed around valentines day but i cant hep thinking that its different this year. Ive recently moved to a new college where ive become quite popular with the guys buts as their friend rather than a desirable girlfriend lol...and for the first itme since i was about 11 ive started worrying about how tall I am...Im 16 and 5"11 im not really skinny and am about a 10-12 and up until this moment i was happy with my curves...but recently i feel as if i have to be 5"5 and a size 8 to get any attention im funny and clever and manage to get on with ppl but in the end it doesnt matter how nasty or how stupid a girl is if she got the right figure then im totaly pushed out of the conversation. I feel like ive lost what made me ME recently i dont want to talk to anyone and i lock myself in my room and just cry all the time...my dad abandoned us on christmas to go and live with another family adn ive been ahving problems dealing with the fact that i may have caused it...maybe i was the problem?....mabe i wasnt clever enough..pretty enoughI know ppl may not answer this because it seem the mindless scibbles of a typical teenager...but ive always been such a happy and positive person...im even an agony aunt on here...but i just cant take it anymore...i feel so so neglected ...
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female
reader, black_diamond329 +, writes (12 February 2007):
 Right hunni I can see you gotta lotta issues here some of which I've had for the majority of my teens so I totally sympathize with you. Just to set the record straight I'm a one of those size 8 5ft5 gals and this is the first year in my life that I have had a bf on valentines day. Up until now I've had very few bfs at all and I didn't kiss a guy until I was nearly 17 and even then it was arranged with a friend from school. I also tend to be popular as a friend with guys but never get asked out by them. I'm also smart and a lot nicer than several little tarts who are pretty and get more attention. You are not alone out there sweetie and you have to realise it is nothing to do with your height or weight or personality ok? What is wrong is that you are obviously so perfect in the eyes of other guys that they wouldn't ever have the courage to think of asking you out because they assume with your confidence and looks and personality you would never look at them as a bf twice! Either that or becuase you are as you said FRIENDS with all the guys they have never considered looking at you as anything different.
You have to realise that everyone comes in different shapes and different sizes. I had a friend at school who was probably taller and bigger dress size than you but she was beautiful and smart and a lovely person and since she went to uni she's had guys fighting over her but to my knowledge she never had much luck with guys at school. I never went out with any guys from my year at school either. If everyone was the same this world would be incredibly boring and you should give guys more credit they don't all want size 8 blond tarty bimbos (just might think they've got a better chance of going out with them instead of you lol). And even though I say I'm a size 8 I still have major hang ups about my practically flat chest, chubby knees, thighs and bumb and cellulite beginning to appear. In fact I'd love to be taller. So guess we all just need to learn to appreciate those lumps and bumps and curves. Think of why you like you're body concentrate on the good parts. For example I think how much I like my toned stomach and my curvy hips so I forget the bits I don't like. Apparently in time late 20s and 30s most people learn to accept their bodies so we are just going through a phase.
Ok so now your second issue. My parents also recently had a serious arguement which resulted in a seperation after my dad hit my mum etc(although they are now back together)and at one point my mum even blamed me for the whole thing but despite that I realised that these were issues of my parents and nothing to do with me. They are there own seperate people and although they can be influenced by us at the end of the day if they aren't happy with their lifes then we aren't really gonna be able to change that. So in your case your dad obviously just felt that he couldn't go on as he was becuase he wasn't happy becuase maybe it just didn't feel as right as it did with this other family. Most parents go through that kinda phase although most chose not to be selfish and stick by their family through thick and thin. I'm not gonna become the moral judge here over what your dad should or shouldn't have done but what you must realise is that he definitely did not leave you all becuase of anything you did or didn't do. In fact you sound like the perfect daughter that any man would be proud to have. Maybe you should try talking to your mum or siblings if you have any. Or if you are close to any friends or other family members. If you feel you have issues with your dad maybe you should write him a letter or meet up with him for a coffee. If you really feel its that bad a councellor might be best or if you just feel its some teenage angst send me a private message and ill offer you some advice. I've gone through some really low points over the last few years where I've questioned the point in life, felt like no one loved me, felt like I had no real friends or people to turn to. But I've realised now that its just a part of growing up, hormones and all. You will always end up getting out of the emotional rut and you learn to deal with the downs as well as the ups so trust me on this one ok.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (12 February 2007):
 I think Katie Holmes is the most beautiful woman in the world and she's 5"11 and a british size 10. I think your self confidence has just taken a battering recently. Believe it or not being friends with the guys is half the battle to getting with one. My advice? Buy yourself some pretty new underwear. If you're broke Primark have sets for £4. If you're wearing pretty matching underwear somehow you feel more confident on the outside and the more confident you act, the more theyll find you attractive. Trust me!
CD
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (12 February 2007):
 First of all I'm sure you weren't the cause of your dad leaving so don't feel guilty about that at all. This has obviously put pressure on you though making you feel insecure as a person. You are also at that age when you're noticing boys a lot more and because you're in their company a lot you're also hearing what they have to say about other girls. Bet it's all sex talk eg "cor I wouldn't mind a bit of that" or "check her out, wouldn't mind sleeping with her." Just listen to them, they treat women like pieces of meat! They are so immature sometimes aren't they?
You have a fabulous height and I bet if you spoke to one of the "attractive" girls she'd say she'd love to be taller. Everyone hates something about themselves, EVEN the so called attractive ones. Personality is far more important that looks and even if these girls do get dates, they're probably quite shallow and will go through more guys than they've had hot dinners so don't worry about it.
What you could do (to see if it makes a difference) is be more aware of how you're dressing in front of the guys. Take a bit more time over your appearance. Wear something a little bit more daring but not "tacky". Wear a little makeup, make sure your hair looks good and smell great! Then glide up to your mates brimming with confidence and be your chirpy self. You're popular with the guys because they like you as a friend, they maybe haven't noticed you as a girl so change that! ;o) Before long I guarantee you'll have them eating out of your hand.
Eve
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