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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm absolutely smitten with this girl at work but she has a boyfriend. I can't get her out of my head no matter how much I try. I'm 25 and she's 22. We work for a small machinery company in the offices. She is top to toe gorgeous, funny, bright, smart and articulate. Literally one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life.She has had a boyfriend for about 3 years and their relationship seems very strong from what she has told me so there's no chance of them splitting anytime soon. Deep down I know we won't end up together but my obsession with her has escalated over the past 6 months. I can't stop thinking about her most of the time. I've tried meeting other girls to get over her but none seem to compare to her. I dare say I'm in love with her. We are usually the only one's left in the office at the end of the day and part of me just wants to tell her how I feel but I know the feeling won't be mutual. She loves her boyfriend and it's clear they are made for one another. And I know if I tell her it would only make things awkward between us and affect our professional relationship.I had a dream the other night where we met in a hotel room, tore off our clothes and made love. When I woke up I nearly cried at the realisation she wasn't lying next to me. It's been months and months but I can't seem to get over her. What can I do?
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male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (11 February 2014):
 Love is sometimes cruel, that's well known. And it's like having a nail nailed in you hand, it hurts when penetrating your flesh (you're falling in love with this girl) and it will hurt too when you will have to remove it (doing your best to forget that girl).You have to imagine with all your strengths, a past Christmas time. A month before, you asked "Santa" to bring you something you desire more than anything (imagine what you want, a camera, a motorcycle, something super-cool that will make you seem cooler among your friends). You desire that think more than anything you have ever desired before, and you are persuaded that "Santa" will bring it to you, no doubt at all.Yet, on the Chrismas morning, you did not received that thing you were dying for, you received instead some encyclopedia or something good but that you don't care at all. You are deeply disappointed... BUT for sure you don't want to kill Santa (it's to say your parents) because they did not give you what you asked. Maybe they haven't well understood you desired so much the thing you asked for your Christmas present; maybe they could not afford buying such a thing... You wanted to scream, to shout, to kick a wall, to break a baseball bat on your head... but after a day or two, you end thinking "life stinks, but c'est la vie".That's the same here. You must consider this girl as a Christmas present you did not received because it was a too expensive present for your parent to offer it to you. And you still don't want to hurt them in any way. And once again, after calming you down, you will end thinking: "life stinks, but c'est la vie".Take heart!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 February 2014):
 Kudos to you for realizing you are out of control and obsessed and that you telling her will not change her relationship with her boyfriend but will wreck the friendship/working relationship you have with her.
Unless you are a stone wall she KNOWS how you feel. hence the reason you know how strong her relationship with her Boyfriend is.
With time this too shall pass.... you say MONTHS and MONTHS... so 3 months 6 months or 9 months...
if you are at full on obsessive lust still at 9 months I would suggest some counseling to find some coping techniques.
BTW EVEN if she did break up with him you do NOT want to be the next in line.... so don't hope for that.... and no fantasies that she will break up with him and turn to you for comfort unless they end with you being totally just a good friend... cause that's what would happen.
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A
male
reader, DragonMan  +, writes (10 February 2014):
 Greetings,Such actions are indeed one sided and can be dangerous if fed.What you feel isn't love, it is pure lustDictionary: Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the bodyTherefore your lust is to have her. The fact she has a boyfriend indicates you cannot have her and to let it go. Get some holiday and get away from the building. You will certainly scare her off if you are even acting the way you sound here
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2014): Get a grip. The infatuation and obsession with a woman you can't have is absurd. The fact you can't have her makes her all the more desirable.
There is a risk of your obsession becoming obvious; if you don't get a hold of yourself. This will make her uncomfortable, and your co-workers will also take notice that you may be staring and too focused on her. That makes work conditions very uneasy for a woman; and places your own job at risk.
If you're so obsessed; start looking for another job, or to be relocated. Put yourself in her shoes. Would it creep you out if some woman in the office is secretly obsessing over you; and you're not the least interested?
You're not in-love. She has to reciprocate the feelings in order for that to happen. What you're feeling isn't being solicited, nor wanted.
By the way, don't think for one minute she is unaware. One of the hardest things for a man to do, is pretend he isn't attracted to someone. He will slip, sooner or later. Watch your step. Be professional.
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