A
female
age
41-50,
*unny_111
writes:I've know of this guy for 3 years through a girlfriend of mine. I began speaking to him on facebook recently and I mentioned to him I had a recent breakup. As soon as I told him this, he came to see me for the weekend because he said he wanted to "cheer me up." He took me out for dinner, to the movies and even bought me a bunch of flowers! His excuse for this was he wanted to "freshen up on his dating skills becuause it's been a while."We were talking about our lives at one point and he asked me if I was looking to be in a relationship this year. I told him I was hoping to be with someone eventually after I get over my reccent breakup. Then I asked him why he's single because he seems like a nice guy and then I asked why he isn't with my girlfriend (the one who is friends with him) and he said "I've tried before but I'm not sure if she likes me in that way. I think she sees me as a brother."My questions are; Do you think he might like me? And do you think he still likes her a lot? Why on Earth did he tell me he's interested in her if he did all of those nice things for me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2014): I think he likes you but I find it a bit "opportunistic" of a guy to spend a weekend visiting you, taking you out for dinner, buying you flowers after hearing about a break-up. I'd think he was looking for sex.Regarding your mutual friend and why he told you that he unsucessfully tried to date her at some point..."I asked him why he's single because he seems like a nice guy and then I asked why he isn't with my girlfriend (the one who is friends with him) and he said "I've tried before but I'm not sure if she likes me in that way. I think she sees me as a brother."Basically you asked him and he gave you an honest answer. You were there for the whole conversation and would have been in the best position to judge by his body language and tone of voice whether he still seemed to carry a raging torch for her.He tried to date your friend in the past and she wasn't interested. Now he seems to be interested in you. Are you interested in him??
A
female
reader, Angel S  +, writes (10 February 2014):
 Well he clearly likes you as a friend, enough to want to cheer you up when you were feeling down which is nice. He might of done those nice things for you because he felt like you needed a friend and he might have been looking for someone to talk to himself seeing as he doesn't have a girlfriend. This doesn't mean he wants to start a relationship with you, hanging out more and going on more dates might get you to a place where that is possible in the future but for now after coming out of a relationship maybe a little time is needed to reflect. If he's a good friend of yours as well as your friends then he's not going anywhere for the time being is he.From what I can gather he never actually said he likes your friend outright. Just that he tried it once, however long ago I don't know but those feelings may have gone now and he may have just been answering your question. I can't tell you how he feels about her but if he truly liked her that much wouldn't of given up on pursuing her so easily.Take time for yourself, and go out with both this guy and your other girl friend on a regular basis. Get back into the swings of things, find your happy place again and then review the options of getting to know this guy a little better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2014): Only he can answer your questions but don't take him being a friend trying to cheer up another friend after a break up as meaning anything.
Frankly he'd be a fool to make a move on a woman just out of a relationship anyway.
If you can't handle him "cheering you up" just don't have him do that, and be very careful not play games here OP. He's a friend and part of your social group. He doesn't deserve to be treated as a rebound.
You already seem to be on the verge of crossing the line into using him to get over your ex, in fact I think you may already have. It's no coincidence you suddenly found yourself in contact with him on Facebook and started doing the damsel in distress thing. I'm not saying you're doing any of this intentionally, just be careful not to string him along and use him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2014): He told you he was cheering you up, and that he was freshening up his dating skills. He also told you he might be interested in someone else. What part of any of this didn't you understand?
You are seeing him as a replacement for your lost boyfriend.
I think he may have gone too far with the flowers and dinner. That is much too romantic with a woman in recovery from a breakup. She will attach out of vulnerability. As you have. Your heart is also on the rebound. Searching for comfort.
You're taking the nice things out of context. Go back and review why he told you he was doing it. Then get back on track to getting over your ex. You should thank him for being so considerate; but explain that your feelings might be a little too sensitive right now for anything of a romantic nature. Then keep your distance.
You're not a guinea pig. Your feelings are more important than that. He means well, but his remedies are getting the wrong results.
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