A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been going with my boyfriend for ten months, its had major ups and major downs and sometimes i question why i`m with him, but i couldnt bare to leave him and see him with somebody else, recently i learned that his ex girlfriend was a virgin who he had sex with in their short relationship, its eating me up and i cant shake it, before i knew this i was jealous of the girl anyway as i think shes better looking and i think he feels he missed his chance with her for another reason, but he said they would have not lasted and he tells me he loves me, what can i do to stop feeling this way? I cant stop thinking about it, its eating me up.
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ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Hi
You need to realizes that the past is the past and that dwelling in the past prevents one from moving forward. If you speaking abouty this to your bf you are going to push him away from you.Do you want to drive your bf away? Also nobody can change their past. If you love him enough you should accept him with his past.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): The past is done. He is with you now. You "win". Forget about his sexual history. Forgive and forget. The future is much more important. You must stand beside him looking forward together, you can't be looking over his shoulder at his past because then you won't be moving in the same direction. You'll end up going in circles.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 Hi,
These are not good signs. Usually on this site its the men who are obsessed with their girlfriends past.
Look at it this way. First, is it any of your business who your boyfriend slept with before you started dating? If you think it is , why? .
Secondly, I assume you were'nt a virgin when you two started dating, so your boyfriend can now accuse you of sleeping around before you met?
You are very young and its alarming that you have these possessive behavioural patterns emerging. Any boy you date will likely have a sexual history, just as you have, and chances are a boyfriend in your future will start judging you on your previous conquests. Maybe this is what you need to see how silly the whole thing is.
I suggest some counselling, you dont want to go through life going from one boyfriend to the next carrying this emotional baggage around do you?
Relationships are all about trust, committment and love, your insecurities are denying you any of the benefits of being part of a loving couple.
Seek some help. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 First of all, he is with you and not her. If he wanted her, he probably could have had her and never would have gotten with you. So lift your chin up, you have that going for you! If you think she is prettier than you, then you are probably just being paranoid. Do something for yourself; go get your nails and hair done and maybe go buy a new outfit... that always makes me feel prettier. And remember, he IS with you now; which means he likes YOU, not her.
I know it is really easy to be jealous of an ex, for I have found myself jealous of many ex's in almost every single one of my past relationships including the one I am in now. You just have to make sure he is aware of the fact that you don't want him having anything to do with her now that he is with you. This may be hard to bring up, but you will know when the perfect time is for you to let him know how you feel. It may not even be this week, but the subject will come up. I usually just act distant by staring at something on the wall for a long time with my eye brows scrunched together until my boyfriend finally asks me whats wrong and then I tell him. You may want to try that. Just say, "Well, I hate to bring this up because I do not want to start an argument, but it's eating at me and if I don't get it off of my chest, I am going to go crazy." That should calm him down enough for you to be able to let your feelings out.
Good luck and try to stay strong by standing your ground.
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