A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A girl I dated for a few months back during the end of senior year of high school is living in the same house as me. This house really belongs to mutual friends of ours. One of these friends happens to be her best friend whom lets her live there for half the rent everyone else pays (eight people live in the house). There's a reason for that, though. This girl I dated has a nine month old son by a guy she dated right after me.This guy cheated on her and then ultimately left her not even knowing he has a kid with her. She decided not to tell him because it would just create a bigger dilemma (one that's too complicated to get into right now).Anyway, we've been living under the same roof for a year and nine months now; since she was three months pregnant. I have to admit, I thought she looked just beautiful when pregnant. I would sometimes (and please don't judge this) fantasize her son being mine instead of that complete asshole who doesn't deserve that child or her, for that matter.When she had her son, she gave him my first name. Everybody in the house plus some of our respective families weren't all that shocked but I was. But I do actually get along amazingly with her son; which is saying something because I don't really know how to handle kids. I love them, I just don't know how to handle them.Well, she's been the best mother to her son that sometimes I just want kiss her for being amazing; for being the opposite of my own mother. She also works full-time and goes to school online full-time. She's super-woman. And unfortunately, my admiration hasn't gone unnoticed. My best friend, whom also lives in the house, told me that I should make a move but I told him that we're exes to each other plus she has a kid. It wouldn't work out. And he said that he's seen the way I am with her son and she definitely has as well.There have been times when the three of us will go out to eat or something and passers-by will say, "Oh, you two have the cutest baby boy!" Both of us would get embarrassed by this, but she usually says, "Thank you! He gets his good looks from his father." And would jab me in the ribs and I would disagree half-heartedly, saying it was all her.This all may seem cute or whatever, but I'm really starting to lose it. I can't stop thinking about her. I can imagine us growing old together, getting married, having kids, all that stuff. I just don't know how to push past my shyness and let her know how I feel about both her and her child. I love them both! And I'm pretty sure the rest of the people living in the house and our families are waiting for it to happen as well; mainly because I've been told on many occasions.And this entire time I've been gushing about her and didn't mean to. I need help...
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (3 August 2009):
 I answered this on the 1st, it's now the evening of the 3rd, time for an update. If you haven't done it yet, lets chat more about why? It's past time to make your move with her, so we don't want to waste valuable time or beat around the bush. The time you waste could be the time your holding her. So, get back here and let us know what happened. Take care.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): rcn, you are a tremendous help! Thank you! I will do everything you've written and then update. I'm still nervous, of course, but I'll follow your advice. Thanks again! =]
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 August 2009):
You've dated her before, so why does the cat have your tongue now? Your families are waiting, people in the house are waiting, and I bet she might be too. I'll tell you, if everyone in the house knows, unless she's walking around with a blindfold on, she knows too.
Today, you'll prep. Tomorrow you'll do it, then you'll send an update to let us know what happened.
Prep: Between today and tomorrow before telling her, you need some alone time. During this time, at least 5 different times, you're going to picture in your head telling her how you feel. What does the scenery look like? Are you alone with her? etc. You want to develop a detailed picture, not just a thought. And most importantly, deciding what you're going to say.
Then with the picture of you both sitting there, you'll imagine telling her. Feel the relief and the pressure taken off of you, what you're afraid of you aren't any more. Fell yourself realizing you didn't have to be shy with her. Your good friend, and you can tell her anything.
I want you to do this at least five times. This allows you to go in there prepared.
Since there is a child, you don't want to seem as if you're excluding him when you tell her, so you'll want to incorporate both of them. For example, what I might say is, "You're my best friend. The time I get with you and _______ I treasure. Since we dated, I have fallen in love with you." The you can say something along the lines of how keeping this bottled up has been driving you crazy and how even though she may not be interested or the timing may not be right, you needed to get this off your chest and tell her how you feel.
i look forward to your update. take care.
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