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female
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anonymous
writes: I constantly need attention from guys and it is starting to affect all aspects of my life. I have a wonderful boyfriend of 4 years who I love dearly who gives me all the attention in the world, but, yet, I still find the need for attention from males. At work I am constantly flirting and even leading guys on just to get their attention. If I am not the center of their attention I get jealous and mad. My best friend says it is because in my 20 years of life I have never had a father and thus I seek constant male attention since I never had any from a father.... is she right? How do I fix this problem? Help please
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at work, best friend, flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jacal  +, writes (5 September 2010):
Honey,
You need reliable man relation.
A
female
reader, 21ndepressed  +, writes (28 September 2009):
I cant beleive that I have found some-one else that is in the same position i am in. Well nearly the same, the only difference is i sleep with the men. I cant help it but i dont thi nk it has anything to do with not having a father figure because i have had a very loving dad all the way through my life and i am still like i am. I even flirt n sleep with people i dont even find attractive just so long as they are paying attention to only me and no-one else. I am going to ask do you also have an extreme deep hatred for most females?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): My wife is in the same boat as you are, however; her flirting with men at the work place just caused her to get hit by the EEOC with sexual harassment and for causing a hostile work environment. Be very careful! If you can't be happy with just one man, then it isn't fair to trat him like trash by you looking at other men and wanting their attention.
Ken
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A
female
reader, lotsofgiggles123  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 i have to say i think your freind is right try getting over this habit like making a calendr of how many you did not do it and give yourself a treat if you do and try not to get jealous try putting your mind on something else hope dis helps
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): i have the same problem but with girls. i love my girlfriend and she's really amazing. i just wish i could stop. it's just that girls flirt with me and i flirt back and can't help it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): I am a health teacher and teach Relationships/Family Life. Firstly, may I say it is very thoughtful and introspective that you are questioning your own behavior...it means you can change it...congrats...You are young and sometimes as we form who we are, we have not fully developed our internal guide. You are a lovely valuable human being whether anyone else thinks so or not, you must believe this about yourself..If you had no father figure, you may be constantly looking for it....as we become adults, we must be responsible for ourselves and our own feelings...Do not give the power to judge who you are to others...A little counseling can help you with this...we may logically know what to do but a counselor can help you to feel it....feelings and thoughts may be separate..Good Luck...and maintaing your thoughtfulness
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): I am in the same situation. The key is to have the following:
1)be confident...confidence not based on how people see you but rather how you see yourself
2)respectful and mindful of your partner at all times. Sometimes we can be selfish but put yourself in his shoes
3)think of something that you could achieve if you spent all the energy and time spent flirting on that goal
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2007): Just remember that the guys whose attention you want may ahve wives or significant partners, and you are provoking them to be unfaithful to their spouses. You are teaching them to be unfaithful.Also ask yourself, what is so special about male attention? You are worshipping men, and making yourself their inferior. You are training them not to rspect women, that women are cheap and easy and have no respect or themselves.Your answer is in yourelf. Think more about your positive qualities and your boyfriend's untill you are full of that and have no space left to crave other men's attention which is reserved for their spouses. BE A FAMILY BUILDER, NOT A FAMILY DESRTOYER. Think: each time you flirt you destroy some family and some children's chance of a happy home. Do you love children?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): you have low self-esteem, and that's the reason. if your self esteem was high, you would know that you are attractive and would not constantly need confirmation away from your relationship. you have a PROBLEM. fix it.
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (8 December 2006):
Good that you can see this is a problem - that's half the battle. It might also impact on female friendships - other women could feel that you are pushing them out the way to get to the men. I have known women like that before and like you there were father issues. I'd actually suggest seeing a counsellor to talk it over. Get it under control now - good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): stop flirting as it is not good for u.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): Hi,
I am currently having the same issue. My father is in and out of my life and I have been sexually abusedby my father and other males so thats where I get my flirting issues b/c thats all I feel I can give. So no I dont have a father but I do have a boyfriend, who I have been with for 3 yrs. I love him more than anything in the world. I hate my flirting habbit. I am working on fixing it. My bf told me that I make him sick when he even thinks of me flirting with other men and I hate hurting him the way I do. I am gonna hang out with my girlfiends more and concentrate on y relationship and get my priorities straight. I hate disrespecting my bf like this. It has helped me so far and Maybe you should try it.
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A
female
reader, flipchickmom +, writes (20 October 2005):
I was (or still am I think but not as great of an extent) exactly like you. I grew up without a father figure and I noticed I was never alone more than a month. It was a continuous string of relationships. Being older, I can see the pattern and it is destructive. I played the 'baby' role and wanted to be taken care of, all the time. I had no sense of self, no sense of identity. I flirted all the time and I was married! My suggestion to you is to nurture your present relationships with either family and/or girlfriends. IF you must have a man in your life, just date on a casual note and discipline yourself to concentrate on other areas of your life. It's okay to flirt but don't let it be the core of who you are and the only activity you dwell on. Also see our counselleour to deal with these issues. Good luck and be Strong!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): Good flirting should be basically just having fun, playing off the energy of someone whose energy you enjoy. You flirt just to have fun and it makes you feel good... but you have to be careful how far you are taking it. If you are a bubbly, chatty, happy person, many people can misconstrue that as flirting, I call it self-confidence and it's the other person's problem if they misread it as flirting. BUT.. If you are making eye contact with a bunch of sexual innuendo tossed in (winking, showing cleavage, teasing, butt wiggles, etc) then you shouldn't be doing this because it's disrespectful to your relationship & your bf. Getting jealous and mad because you aren't the center of attention...just shows your insecurities & emotional neediness-and everyone recognizes it but you. Relax and just be comfortable with who you are and don't worry if people aren't focused on you. Long term: get to know and sincerely like yourself. If you truly believe you're a fun, good person to be around, who is intelligent, worth getting to know, etc, you won't worry so much about rejection and NOT being the center of attention. Then perhaps you won't find the need to always flirt with the guys and possibly upsetting your bf. He sounds like a great guy...save all your sexy, hot flirting for him! Good luck and keep being happy.
Hugs,
Irish
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