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anonymous
writes: Look, I have a problem and it's making me feel suicidal.I am 20 yrs old and am a university student, i have never been in a relationship and am a virgin. I hate myself for this - i feel unloved and as though I will die a lonely man. Until recently, I have no friends that I can trust, I was bullied at school where all my friends turned against me, and have been afraid to socialize since, as I am afraid that whoever I get close to will hurt me again.About 5 weeks ago, I started talking/texting to this girl that I met one weekend, we have the same hobby and she was there. We are talking and texting all day and i adore this girl and feel like i am falling in love. - One problem - she has just come out of a long term relationship and says she doesnt want a relationship for a while - she knows how i feel for her - i tell her every day! She is constantly reminding me that we are 'just friends' and that she is going out a week on Saturday. She said that she was going to go out 'on the pull' and hopefully stay with/shag/make love to whoever she finds. I adore this girl to no end and am scared of losing her coz a life without her is no life at all. I just feel that I'm not good enough for anyone, and i feel useless, and i only feel good when she is around me - that's why i can't let her go - but she is ripping up my heart by being a 'normal' young person and doing what a 'normal' young person does. I am jealous of everyone she talks to and am jealous of seeing everyone else happy - while i'll never be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): Oh , come on.. You are only twenty and you have your whole wonderful life ahead of you. You are at University too. I wish I had gone to University instead of doing this dead end job in a warehouse. Try to be more confident.
Now , lets get a few facts straight. Part of life and growing up invloves not getting girls that we really really wanted. We,ve all been there. Maybe you should try not to fall in love too easily , it takes two to tango , dont forget. A simple rule of thumb is to not have any more intense feelinfs for a girl than she has for you , otherwise you will fall in love with the person you wished she was , and not the person she actually is.
And let's be fair ,if shes going out shagging other blokes then you should certainly not be thinking about her all the time like you say you are. I think this is a confidence problem really and you need to value yourself more. Too be honest , I felt similar at your age and older , now I have a beautiful wife and wonderful children. These treasures I would not , now be enjoying if I had give in to suicidal thoughts which I never had anyway.
As for the virgin part , there is nothing wrong in that at all.If you get morons teasing you for it , I suppose you could bullshit a little bit , if it makes life easier for you. A lot of what you hear is probably not true. It sounds as though you are putting all your trust in this girl for your future hapiness. If you dont get this girl ,then that is it. You will never be happy now . RUBBISH! There are thousands , millions of other girls out there that will make you happy and fulfilled , just be patient and stay strong. They are in the pipeline!
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reader, becky05 +, writes (2 July 2005):
I have had a long period of depression and felt suicidal in the past so I know where youre coming from.This girl isnt interested in you other than as a friend. You have to accept that.You have to get out more and come into contact with more females, then you will realise its not the end of the world if one girl doesnt fancy you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005): Hi brother, Im 20 same as you, i'm not a virgin and have been with past relationships, what I will tell you please consider it as your brother advice.first of all, is NOT the girl who is bringing you down to such actions and feelings, is NOT the virgin that is making it all dull, and is NOT the fact that you are this and that and people making fun of you.the thing is YOU! , YOU need to step behind now, sooner than later and realise what's in your heart and NOT what people around says and do. Being a virgin !!! BE PROUD!!!! I have lost my virginity when I was 17 with a girl that I regret , but I don't take it to grant it. Don't even feel upset for the fact that sex hasn't happened to you yet, SEX is nothing and losing your viginity won't make you any difference except the fact you will say, i did it,and if you want that, why ?I wish my self I'm stil a virgin right now but things happened to me for its reasons in which I don't regret them, but my point is to make you realise that viginity doesn't make ourselves any difference from what we are.Billied ? Com'on brother, no one bully you if you don't let it happen, you must think to your self that things that are said are just coming from people that have nothing within theur lives and want nothing from it either. You are a great guy and defenetely clever enough to know what it's said it's a LIE, so just let those stiupid words come into your one ear and got out the other , don't let it stay. if you get rid of that, you will see that your life will change massively.The next thing is the girl, my brother, no matter how in love you are with this girl, you have to realise the the things and facts that sorrounds you and her, sharing hobbies and she coming out froma long term relationship are the other that you need to look into very carefully and remember brotherm that you can not make any one love you, don't pressure the girl with your feelings for her everyday, this will make a huge confiusion within her head.Rather take it easy, it's the first time you fall in love with some one that you connect perfectly ( as it sounds ) and to be very honest with you brother, unfortunately she isn't the right girl to the the first crush on.You said she is going with pills to get her out and doing things that isn't right AT ALL and you DON'T deserve her, look beyond your love for her and tell me what you can see ? if you can't see anything , than there is nothing to fight for this girl, rahter stay friends and as said earlier here, love will find you... and brother trust me love does find you, it founded me ! without knowing and by mistake to tell you more... hang in there and remember that life isn't having someone with you to make you happy but you must make happy your self first, once you have that, you have the world at your palm of your hand brother.Smile and live each day to the fullest and make new friends, as much as possible, and don't ever think again that you are this or that, you are comparing your self with other boys and that's wrong , big wrong, be your self and be happy... good luck and I wish you all the very best...matt,20
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reader, Dr. Mephisto  +, writes (23 June 2005):
 Jeez-louise what is going on in that head of yours? First off, if you ask someone 1001 times the same question and always back 1001 times you get the same response - no - then you must learn that perhaps her answer is really no and not some perverse fluke of fate.Real friendships are few and far between so it must also be remembered that your value as a friend perhaps outways that of a lover. Also you should ask yourself the question of whether or not this feeling that you're interpreting as 'love' is in fact nothing more than an infatuation, a flight of fancy. Basically you're falling in 'love' with the first woman that converses with you. You should also ask yourself what it is the your girl *friend* gets out of your relationship as it stands. Do you follow her around, hanging on her every word, basking in her shadow? Do you tell her constantly that you 'love' her? She say 'no' every time? Then face facts - don't cry about it please - you and her ain't ever going to 'get it on'.Bottom line, forget trying to get 'elbow to wine' with her. You're 20 years old and getting an education, don't blow it all because you're mopping around playing a tortured Romeo to a bored and uninterested Juliet. Knuckle down and cheer up. I think most everyone goes through some form of self-doubt at point or another in their lives. Realise a few facts - the world is full of millions of people - you've not even met a fraction of them yet - so how do you know there's not someone out there for you?It's only when one stops looking for true love, that true love finds one - get it?Best wishes and peace with the world.Dr. M
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reader, QueenKatofTypos +, writes (23 June 2005):
First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at 20, or never having dated. I've only had one serious relationship, I'm a virgin, and I'm 25!If this girl truly doesn't want a relationship right now, there isn't much you can do to convince her otherwise. Furthermore, if she's willing to risk her health by sleeping with anyone she comes across, then she's pretty immature herself and I say that she isn't good enough for you!Take it from me, you WILL be happy someday, and that some day will come sooner than you think. I attempted suicide just 2 years ago, and with therapy, I'm doing absolutely great today. It's not always easy, but overall I am happy and I love life. If you are truly suicidal, then please, please get help. Two weeks after I attempted suicide, I found out I was going to be an aunt. If I had died, I'd have never seen my beautiful niece. You never know when something wonderful is going to happen... it might be tomorrow!Hang in there - others have been where you are and survived, and you will too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2005): GFTOW. You need to get over her, if she thinks of you as a friend you'll get no where with her, ever. And you'll constantly get hurt whenever she meets another man.I suggest you break it off, for maybe ~12 weeks? Its sorta like resetting the clock. During this time you should GFTOW (google it).After that time you need to approach not as a friend but as potential for something more. If she blows you off at that point then it was never gonna happen. But since you went and GFTOW, you should be OK with at this time.
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