| A ,
anonymous
writes: Hi there, I've been in a relationship for nearly 10 yrs now(since school). We have 2 children. Although I love my partner, I am no longer in love with him.I have met someone who I have totally fallen for and we have kissed on 2 occasions (through work). I think I have fallen in love with him but I don't think he feels the same, but it has made me realise that there's something missing from me and my partner's relationship, and that's love. Now I just feel like im missing out and feel totally empty like there's something missing! Help me
View related questions:
co-worker, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): well, I am in your situation and I do not think you should feel guilty.
All this "settle things with your husband, find what's missing in your marriage, exc.." this is petty BS
After all we are hormonal creatures, after several years of marriage our relations becomes different and we enter a comfort and reliability stage of our relations. actually this "love thrill" or infatuation is missing from most marriages that exsist 4 years and above(and this is hormonally proven). It will forever be missing with your same exsisting partner. I think that it is part of the genetic diversity- nature wants us to change partners in order to mix genes exc. In todays world our babies at 4 years or so cannot handle modern life. As monkeys life was simpler and a baby at four was a young self sustainable crewature. Any way; things are not so today, in our developed world and we need our partners to be next to us, feed us take care of us but our hormonal excreation has changed. This new love we meet; It is what we all want and need, yet society for its reasons; rules this option out for us. So I would say do it enjoy it like a "criminal" hide it and end it in time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): I understand because I am going through the same thing. My married boss, 8 years younger than me & with three kids, is totally gorgeous and I have only just realised i've been falling for him gradually. Now I can't stop thinking about him. I don't want to ruin his family or mine (I also have 2 kids) so I'm trying to play it cool, but you know you can tell when someone else feels the same way and some days the temptation is shocking when we spend long periods of time alone in the car while travelling to meetings. It's made me realise how empty my own marriage is and now I only feel really alive when I'm with my boss. I hope someone can help...
...............................
A
reader, dear caroline +, writes (29 June 2005):
well for a start why dont you end the relationship with your boyfriend if you know you're not in love with him? if you know that its love your missing then split! you're stringing him along, i mean, come on have a bit of respect! you have already kissed someone else, one two occasions! and you're not even sure if this other man loves you. Think about your children too, how would they feel if you do leave your partner? the important thing is to be honest with your partner, tell him you lve him but you are not in love with him and that you know that theres something more you need from life and that you feel like you are missing out. i think you are feeling vunerable right now so take your your time on making any decisions that will affect your children. good luck!
...............................
A
reader, communicatrix +, writes (24 June 2005):
 There may be something missing from your current relationship, but I've a feeling it's more along the lines of "passion" or "mystery" or "romance"—or even "connection"—than it is love.
You've been dealing with day-to-day realities (kids, money, chores) for 10 years with your current partner. It's really easy to fall "out of love" under those circumstances. Similarly, it's very easy to mistake the thrill, the passion and the connection of a sometime relationship for real love. I happen to believe what we call love—especially the mad, deep, passionate kind—is really a connection we feel with the right human being that lets us plug into the best, biggest parts of us, not to mention the wonderful condition that is L-O-V-E, period.
Here's the thing to remember: that thing that the guy from work makes you feel is in *you*, not in him. He's mirroring something in *you*, stirring something in *you*, recognizing something in *you* that you've lost touch with somewhere in the daily grind of life. That's good news, because even if it turns out that you and your partner have grown apart in a way that makes it impossible to grow together, you will have that feeling with someone else again, even if it's not this guy from work.
Because you know you can't, right? You can't have this guy from work. Not now. You can't jump ship for the guy at work because if you do that without doing your homework, in a year...or two...or 10...you're going to be in the exact same situation you are now—unhappy, disconnected, filled with longing for some thing that is "missing"—only you'll be that much older and perhaps have a couple more kids into the bargain. And sorry, but instability is bad for kids, so you've got to be very, very thorough and responsible before you make a move.
Break it off with the guy from work...now. If you can, see about getting yourself into some kind of talk therapy to help clarify your thoughts. If you can't, figure out some way to get yourself some time alone with your thoughts so you can sort them out. Walking is good, because it engages your body, it's repetitive and helps you let the thoughts float instead of obsessively swirling in confusion around your brain.
When things get a little clearer, you can talk to your partner, but remember, he may have no idea that you've been going through this kind of internal change, and be thoughtful and kind about how you approach him.
Above all, remember that the answer lies within yourself and not within another person or relationship, whether it's the one you're in now or one you may find yourself in down the road.
Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005): Hi sweety, what I feel in this situation is the following:You said that you are missing love, and there is something empty, for the sound of that I can see that you are not totally sure of you feelings for who, firstly make sure you have the right feelings in mind and then plan your move.As if you take that way, it is very important to consider that you have two lovely children in your life and is not just you alone, this may have an impact in their lives and needs to be taken seriously.With the man at work, you may have confusions within you and this man helped you out to make things visible, such as missing love within your relationship with your husband.Be very careful that this can be lust from him and just want things to happen for one reason and thats simply having fun with you, I don't know if he is aware of your situation having a husband and two childrens, but I do believe if he does, then he wants something to happen, either good such as a relationship with you or bad, make you break up with your husband.Keep your eye very open for his actions and make sure that your are communicating with your husband about your feelings right now.With the co-worker, this may be a tunnel to escape issues that are at home,such as the missing of love, and if thats the case you may have to speak with your husband to bring everything to a point and not a round circle.You have a husband and two childrens, what are you missing?love?, well, communicate with your husband. Find within your self what you want and what is missing. and you will see that the answer to your question can only be answered by you.I wish you all the very best on your choices, from Matt,20
...............................
A
reader, xox?xox +, writes (24 June 2005):
hi there, well to be honest i don't think the best thing to do was to kiss your colleague, as you are still married, but what has been done has been done, but i suggest you to not continue this practise untill you have sorted out your marriage problems. as you have been with this man since school, you have not experianced different relationships. I think you have realised that teenage love is not the same as adult love. And you need to furfill your needs, so talk to your husband and explain to him how your feelings have changed, and then you can decide on whether to move on or try to work things out with your husband. but at the end of the day a loveless marriage can effect more than you and your husband... think about whats best for the children too!
...............................
|
