A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this isn't a relationship question, but it's more of a "is anyone else in this situation" question. Basically, I've always been against drinking simply because I deal with it too much from my family. I find that extremely sad. "Why don't you like the thought of drinking?" "Well because, my parents and other family members get drunk all the time and become extremely annoying and intolerable and I don't want to become like that."My dad's not an alcoholic...yet. In my mind, an alcoholic is someone who drinks from dawn 'til dusk. He won't drink until he gets home from work. But from then on he'll have well over 5 mixed drinks or so. My mom usually is pretty good at not drinking too much but when she does I just can't stand it. On days like today, a Saturday night, we play games etc. She has more drinks than usual and then becomes drunk very quickly and then she passes out. They even get to the point where they can't even walk straight! They bump into things, nearly fall over, my dad once cracked his head open because he fell while trying to take a pee he was so drunk. Behavior like this I can't stand! I know most people would say just walk away. But it's kind of hard when it's family. Luckily I only have to put up with it for 2 months until I go to college but it's just...I don't know if I can take much more of this. It's not that their drinking leads to violence or anything like that they just become annoying and my dad even ended up hurting himself! Do any of you have similar situations? How do you deal with them?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): "It's not that their drinking leads to violence or anything like that they just become annoying and my dad even ended up hurting himself!
Do any of you have similar situations? How do you deal with them?"
I had a similar situation with my late parents many, many years ago. I eventually came to realize that my parents were human beings with their own problems, frustrations and disappointments, and over the years their drinking gradually morphed from "social" into "problem" for reasons that I didn't fully understand until long after their deaths. Like your parents, mine were never violent, only annoying, and my father once broke his wrist when he stumbled while drunk, fell and landed awkwardly.
Given benefits of time, distance, perspective and hindsight, I've learned my parents many admirable qualities far outweighed their human frailties, and as a teen I was exponentially more "annoying" to them than they ever were to me.
Weigh all your parents' good qualities against their not-so-good ones, give them the benefit of the doubt and try to look past their drinking while realizing that even if their drinking crosses the line into full-blown alcoholism there is nothing you can do if they don't want to help themselves. As long as they drink at home and are not dangers to you, other family members, or each other, the only people directly affected by their drinking are themselves.
Good luck at college this fall, I think a little time and distance will give you a better perspective regarding your parents.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): I've faced this too, with my father. He's in a high up position at work, he works for a corporate giant and everything, he's a great father but every night when he gets back from work, he has to drink. This has been going on for more than 10 years now. He's not a nasty drunk or anything, he's just...drunk. He slurs, he trips, he talks rubbish sometimes, he's a nightmare to go out to dinner with. I remember this one time we were out for dinner with family friends, he kept drinking and making a fool of himself, messing up the food...it was so bloody embarrassing...I could have just sunk through the floor and died.
I hate his drinking and so does my mom...but I'm coming to accept the fact that we cant do anything about it. He's a good person, he works hard, he's great to be with as long as he's sober. But once he starts drinking, I absolutely hate it.
I guess you cant do anything about it, because till they realize it themselves they just wont stop. What you can do is, detach yourself from the situation and don't be around them. they more you see them, the more you will hate it. Extract yourself from the situation, go to your room, watch, TV, do something on your laptop...just distract yourself and don't think about things you cant change. Pray to God to give them good sense and hope for the best
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 July 2012):
 Yes I've dealt with this and the thing you have to realize is that there are things you can change and things you can't. You can change yourself, you can change how you react to their drunkeness, you can change your surroundings, but you can't change them. Try to look up your local al-anon chapter, it's free and it's for people close to alcoholics.
As long as you're not concerned with their safety, leave and go to your room when they get drunk. Go hang out with friends, go play on your computer or read a book.
"In my mind, an alcoholic is someone who drinks from dawn 'til dusk."
No, barely anyone does that. If your parents are having 5 drinks a night every night starting when they get home from work, they're probably there already. It definitely sounds like it, normal people don't regularly drink until they can't walk.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (1 July 2012):
Hi there. I guess the real question here is, the reason why they drink.
The answer to that is often a case of boredom, and a lack of anything else better to do.
It's also a way of forgetting one's troubles, and numbing any negative feelings about life that they may have.
Negative feelings of - "Is this all my life is ever going to be?"
A feeling of fading dreams, and of time running out for ever bringing those dreams to fulfilment.
And I can tell you as a middle aged woman that I am, to have a sense of unfulfilled dreams and time running out is a pretty sobering thought.
Not to mention, very depressing as well.
The negative feelings people often get, can begin in the mid to late 30's up until the 40's and 50's and even into the 60's.
It could be that your parents don't have enough fun and excitement in their lives, so drinking is an easy quickfix, and you don't have to leave home to do it.
It helps them to relax and unwind at the end of their day.
I am not condoning drinking by any means, I am just explaining how it often is for some people in life these days.
Like being bored and uninspired, and living a life without real passion and without meaning.
It can start to get to you after a while.
Doing the same old thing day in and day out, week in and week out, without anything different to make it exciting.
As you are still young and at school, your parents are probably still working.
What it does sound like, is that they need to add more to their lives.
It could also be that their lives feel as though work is their only life. And that is also common.
Perhaps they could start some hobbies which will give them each something to look forward to on a regular basis.
What about gardening? Do you think they would be interested in starting a vegie garden?
How about doing some landscaping and creating a lovely garden on your property?
You could all get involved with that - yourself included.
It would provide some good quality family time together.
Of course, it can only be done in the daytime, but that's perfect!
You could do a bit of gardening each day - watering the plants - and do the major gardening maintenance tasks, such as weeding and pruning and planting on the weekends!
Gardening, is such an incredibly therapeutic activity, and very relaxing as well, it really is.
And it's creative!
The garden changes every single day - new shoots, new branches, new flower buds, new flowers.
The solution to your parents' heavy regular drinking habits is very fundamental, and it is to ADD more to their lives.
And when you are really actively engaged in your life and you LOVE your life every single day, well then there is no longer the absolute need to drink to forget your boredom.
Because boredom no longer exists!
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