A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been with my other half for 7 years now and been married for the last year.I have a job which takes me away for up to half a year at a time. My other half somewhat pushed the marrige on me before i went away last year and this time i've come back I just have no interest in her at all. This has not been helped with the fact i've been living with another lady for the last 4 months. We worked together for the whole 6 months and a good working relationship just developed into friendship and eventaully more. The other lady says I have changed her life and she has never felt the same about anybody before, she was due to marry and has since ended her relationship. She is in no way being pushy about our relationship and to be honest is pretty old fashioned, to begin with she was mortified at the mere thought of being with a married man.Already after being home from 6 months away my wife has begun nagging and we have begun arguing. She accuses me of being lazy and all I am doing is having 2 weeks off after 6 months of work. I just can't stand her anymore and I feel that I should leave her for my lover.I don't have any children but I do own a house with my other half, I am scared of loosing everything i've worked for and having to start my life again at 30 years old. I know that is very materialistic but the thought of having to move in with family or friends and starting again is a scary thought as i am pretty debt ridden as it is.What should I do? I want to tell her right now but just don't know how!Many thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): It is unfair to stay in a marriage if your are not dedicated to making the marriage work. To do so for materialistic reasons compounds the harm that will be done. Make a clean break and get on with your life. The courts will help you dissolve the marriage and will equitably divide the common property. This is the only way for a real man to settle this mess.
A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (2 May 2008):
 30 years old is not old at all, and is way too young to be trapped in a marriage that you don't want to be in.
I have to say I think you have been incrediby unfair to your wife in going ahead with marrying her if you weren't that into her and can only advise that you end things asap and move on.
Its not fair to your wife or to your new partner to see them both. Take a leap and do th right thing, pick one or the other and Im sure you'll feel so much better when you've done it.
I would also add not to jump into things too quickly with your new lady, as you may find you want to be free and single for a little while before committing to another serious relationship. If you've been with your wife for most of your 20s then you could probably do with a little time as a bachelor before launching into your 30s with another serious relationship round your neck.
Good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): You need to be fair to your wife who has to put up with you leaving for half the year. That's a lot to ask of a woman. She is probably accussing you of anything and everything because women aren't dumb--she senses something else is up. She senses something isn't right. She's hurting. Give her a break!!! She's had to live without you for so long. Be more sensitive to HER. You may not love her, but that doesn't stop you from caring about another human being.I understand you feel you're in love with another women, but don't forget what your wife has sacrificed. You are eventually going to crush her--I mean CRUSH her. Clearly you do not truly love her and need to get out of the marriage. You have to accept responsibility for your actions, such as marrying her with your doubts, lying to her for 4-6 months... She pushed the marriage on you, but it was always in your power to wait. You married her for HER comfort... now look at what you did to her comfort and security?????Your wife is one special lady if she will remain with you while you are on the other side of world for half the year. She has sacrificed many woman's needs while you were with another woman. WOW!You want my honest opinion?You are not ready for a relationship, period. Set your wife free. She deserves sooo much better than you. You don't know what love and commitment is about. Clearly. Get out of the marriage. GET OUT! Not for YOUR sake, but HER sake! Then take some time for yourself away from both women. Work on yourself. Think about what you want for your life. Think long and hard before you run into the arms of the "other" woman. Jumping from one women to the next WON'T make you happy. I know from personal experience.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (1 May 2008):
 Why are you married to her??? If she pushed you at the time then you should have said NO, it is not as if she held a gun to your head.
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A
female
reader, love girl  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 people always underastimate marrage , they thik its just a game , and you can pull out when ever you want , in my opinion if its not a very good reason and you can resolve it dont pull out , now in your case , if you are 100% sure that you dont love her , talk to her about it but before you do that , think about it and be sure aboout your answer . which one do you love ? your wife or the other lady ? which one you will be happy and comfortable with ? which one you want to wake up next to every morning ? which one do you want to kiss a good night kiss ? forget about the financial things because whatever happens at work or things related to money the person you're in love with , your true love will help you get back on your feet again , even if you hit the bottom , you will still feel her love and passion , everytime you feel bad she'll be their for you , thats my opinion
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A
female
reader, Aunt tilly +, writes (1 May 2008):
 First of all there,s no point in staying in a relationship if you are miserable, to be fair you will have to be honest at some point with your wife as she will eventually find out that you have been having an affair, I f you can sit down just you and your wife and talk to each other. Tell her how you feel but that you would like to sort it all out amicably. You dont want to end up with a long drawn out divorce and fighting over the house, it has to be done properly for both your sakes. You say your scarred of having to start again this unfortunately you cant escape if you dont want to stay married, and you want to be with your new lover its a hurdle you must over come. Let me know how you get I hope you get sorted love.
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