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female
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anonymous
writes: how can i tell my mum i no longer love her and i want to move out? im 13 and hate my mum to bits, people say its impossible to hate ur mum, but i really do, she has really hurt me ((not in a abusive way)) and shes been with this man a year and doesnt kno if she wud give him up for her 5 kids, i have 3 sisters all over 16. i have 1 brother 21. we all hate her boyfriend, i mean we only lost our dad 2 years ago, and he was our hero, i mean he died trying to save someones life. he was on the lifeboat and he had a call and died trying to save a young lad around 17. he is my hero and i cant stand anyone else being with my mum, i mean i hate her so much but i still care if i like who shes with, she seems to think we dont have feelings, shes done alot of stuff to us. and just doesnt care. i need to tell her im moving out, and i need to ask my nan if i can move in with her, how do i do it?? please help. xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): I think you really need to give your Mom a break. Do you think it has not been hard for her losing your Dad? I am sure she has been lonely, scared, hurting. Raising kids alone is hard stuff. Having kids who 'hate' your boyfriend is hard too.
Why don't you ask yourself somethings: What do you do for your Mom? What could you be doing for her? Do you show her any love? Any respect? Any kindness?
Honey, its not all about you. Give your Mom a break. Try to try harder with your Mom, not just once or one thing, but keep trying.
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (8 February 2007):
 Hello Anonymous,I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your father.I don't think it's true that you don't love your mother. I think you love her very much and you're just feeling like this because you don't want to think of anyone "replacing" your father. Well, listen - this new man is not and could *never* replace your dad, okay? Just because your mother has a new boyfriend doesn't mean that anyone is going to make you call him "dad," right? And you don't even have to see him as a father figure if you're not comfortable with that. He is here to make your mother happy, you know?By your mother finding someone who she thinks is special enough to call her boyfriend, it's showing that she is ready to be happy again. And that's actually a healthy thing! Surely you wouldn't want her to be depressed every day the rest of her life, right? What sort of a life would she have if all she did was mope around the house and cry? There comes a time in a person's life when they must do what makes themselves happy. I think you need to realize that your mother isn't dating someone to hurt you. She isn't out to upset you and your siblings, but she is out to bring some happiness back into her life.And I'm sure that she isn't picking this man over you and your siblings, too. Is there a reason why she can't have both in her life? She is probably stressing out so much over this because she wants everyone - you, your sisters and brother, herself and her boyfriend - to be happy. Maybe you could talk to her and tell her your feelings, and she could tell you her's.Let me ask you - why do all of you hate this man so much? What has he done? If your mother likes him and he makes her happy, then he might not be as bad as you think. Don't you think that's possible? But if he is abusive to anyone in the family, then I think that's a different matter altogether and that something should be done. You should definitly tell your mother that you're worried for her welbeing and tell your nan.Before you go asking your nan if you can move in with her, maybe you should tell her your feelings if you don't feel comfortable speaking to your mother. Perhaps your nan can help you sort out your feelings and help you to come up with a solution to these problems your facing. Maybe she could even sit down with you and your mother to help make sure the discussion you all would have is productive and not too emotional to get points across.I think it's wonderful that you love your father so much. But I don't think that you should fault your mother's new boyfriend for wanting to make your mom happy again. Do you see what I mean? I'm sure that you want your mom to be happy, just as she wants you to be happy, too.Take care.
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A
female
reader, melschatbox +, writes (8 February 2007):
 Ohh, sweetie....sorry to hear about your dad. He sounds like a great man. Your mom may think that finding a new guy is what she needs to move on.?? I don't know...I can't judge her situation. But, I do know, she would want you to be as happy as you can be. You will have to have a grown up talk with mom and tell her your feelings. Even if you have done so in the past, sit her down and make sure that she hears you. If you think moving out will help you...then maybe you are right. Can your nan have that talk with her? And, say your only moving in for awhile....?? Best of Luck.
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A
female
reader, Natalie...x +, writes (8 February 2007):
 i would say to your nan, "i have something to ask you." and then just come out with it. However you say it shes gonna get the message one way - you need to move in with her. Think about what you're doing first though. Are you sure you couldn't wait a few years till you're old enough to get a place of your own?
If not, and you're sure this is the right thing, I would explain to your nan as best you can, and give her time to think about it. If she says no, ask your brother if you can stay with him, he should understand. Hope this helped x
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A
female
reader, here_2_help  +, writes (8 February 2007):
 Sometimes, there are reasons to hate a parent- however, they are very extreme.
Shy of being abusive or putting you down, there is no reason to outright hate her. Sit down and have a long talk with her. A calm, level headed discussion should help get a lot of things out in the open.
i know it was hard to hav elost your dad and it may seem she is trying to replace him with this other man she is not and if she did have the chance to i bet she wouldent.
if you are really unhappy go stay with your nan for a weekend and talk to her about the problem she will be abel to help you
hope this helps xx
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