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female
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anonymous
writes:HeyI don't know what to do, I'm becoming depressed and cry myself to sleep every night. I have been doing for the past 7 months now. Three years ago I met a man whom I truly fell for, he never felt the same, and 7 months ago, he finally started showing interest in me for a couple of months. Then he suddenly disappeared without any explanation at all. I have always known he is a player and sleeps around a lot but I never imagined he would treat me like this. Problem is however, I'm still in love with him and I can't sleep, eat or think straight since he has abandoned me. I am sensible enough to know that I can't make him love me, but I desperately want to know what to do to get over him. what I wish for right now, more than anything is to forget him. But how?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006): Hi, I think I'm in a similar situation. I know it sounds weird, but I tell myself that falling in love is a purely chemical process in the brain. It really is. I can even list the chemicals that make you feel this way. The best thing to do is to remember that chemistry, not you, is in control of how you feel. Also, it helps to find another man. Maybe just to sleep with. I know it sounds harsh and is unconventional, but trust me it works. It will make you feel attractive and remind you that you can find human contact whenever you want it. Because men are EASY. Good luck.
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female
reader, Jen43 +, writes (12 January 2006):
Cutie, you're not alone. Many years ago, I was in your exact situation. Literally, I would not only cry myself to sleep and upon awakeing, but also on my way to work!! I definitely agree with the writer who suggested you make a list about all the negative things about this man and/or your relationship. If you can truly find nothing "that bad," then you keep thinking about those small things anyway and EXAGGERATE them in your mind. Try your best not to dwell on how wonderful he was or what fun times you had. If you catch yourself doing that, try to immediately change your focus on the NEGATIVE things about this jerk. And honey, he IS a jerk--to exit your life with no explanation? Who does that? You did not deserved that, so that's one thing you can focus on everytime you think of him. A good friend once told me, "Don't look back; you're not going that way." I know your heart is shattered, but it will heal. Hang in there.
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female
reader, vivi +, writes (6 January 2006):
hun its time to kick off those baggy pants and put some party clothes on. grab some of your gal pals and take your behind to the club and treat yourself to a good time. trust there are plenty off fine MEN out there and you need to go get one. enjoy all he did was give you your freedom back go get your grove on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): omg i cant belive you have this problem because i had this happened to me and he was a player major... i caouldnt get over him cause he was soo nice to me but all my friends said he was a player and i jus didnt wanna belive them.... but what you gotta do is fix y our sel up and start dating again even tho its so damn hard you gotta do it! if i can do you im sure you can cause now i got a boyfriend and im happy and i wish the best for you...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): one thing that's usually worked for me is a lot of rented dvds. the great thing about a truly scary movie is that it tears your mind away from whatever you were thinking about and envelops you in the story line.
comedies are no good if you won't be able to laugh, and a drama will just make you feel more emotional.
spend a few nights just scaring yourself silly - as many as it takes. then work your way into the other genres.
some people will see this as completely escapist, but sometimes, when the feelings get that bad, an escape is exactly what you need. if you're anything like me, there are times when you feel a little composed - when you can sit on the couch and stare at the wall and feel nothing but empty ... but then there are the other times, when it feels like the pain will never end, and you can't imagine how you'll ever feel good again ... those are the times when an escape is what you need. i guess some people get drunk or get stoned, but alcohol is a depressant that will really only make you feel worse, and drugs were just never my thing. losing yourself in a movie is great - it numbs you. the other thing to try is computer card games. sounds lame, but they have the same kind of numbing effect, and sometimes, that's what you're looking for.
my last piece of advice is to spend some time writing down how you're feeling. just get a little notebook and write it down. write down how much you miss him, how you wonder if he ever loved you, why he did this, etc. it doesn't matter how crazy or sane the thoughts are. just write them down. i lost the love of my life several years ago, and the months that followed were the worst of my life. i wrote about it constantly, and after a while, i got sick of writing about it - i couldn't even stand to hear myself think about it anymore, because i'd said/thought the same things so many, many times. that didn't make the pain go away, but combined with a beach in puerto vallarta, some pina coladas and a very cute english boy with an adorable accent who i met at the resort 4 months after the break-up, it started to help.
hang in there - you'll get through this. my heart hurts for you, bc i know what you're feeling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): This may or may not help but what I did was I made a list of all the bad things that happened in the relationship, things I didn't like about my ex boyfriend and things that I didn't like that i did when I was around him, ie.
(1) I felt ignored, my idea's and suggestions were always overuled, double standards for him and me etc
(2) Bad jealous streak, often grumpy, mean with gifts and money etc
(3) I got lazy with my career ambitions, I didn't catch up with my friends as much, didn't spend as much time with my family etc
I found that doing that helped put the relationship into some perspective and whilst it didn't cure the pain or make me instantly get over him, it helped me to look at it through a more critical lense rather than the rose coloured glasses I had been remembering it by.
It eventually helped me to realise that he wasn't the one for me and I was better off without him.
You sound like a very loving and caring person and I'm sure that this person doesn't deserve you at all and helping to get past him will enable you to meet someone who loves you like you deserve.
Take care.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): You will probably not be able to forget him..as you truly loved this man.
Him upping and leaving you as he did has left you with so many unanswered questions that it must be driving you to insanity. This just shows a complete lack of respect and maturity!
I feel for you. Not having closure is one of worst feelings to carry around with you..believe me I know!
But you need to pick yourself up and if you are feeling that depressed you might want to go and see a physician and he can get you on some antidepressents and maybe suggest some councilling for you,which will really help.
Try to keep yourself busy with other things, to keep your mind off of him. In my opinion.. any Man who has treated you as such is NOT WORTH YOUR TEARS! There are too many other good men out there who will treat you as you should be treated!!
Good Luck Hun!
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