A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my boyfriend and I have been going out for about 10 months.. We were 3 1/2 hours away from each other this summer, and would see each other a couple times a month. Everything was wonderful and our relationship was the best it's ever been. We are back at school now, for about 3 weeks... I have been an emotional wreck, crying a lot, and picking fights with him. Mainly I get scared that he is trying to hurt me. Then the next morning I always regret picking the stupid argument and I feel guilty, which leads me to argue with him again out of insecurity. I am confused as to why I can't break this vicious cycle. I went away last weekend to my friend's college and had a great time.. We didn't fight all weekend over the phone or aynthing but right when I came back I instantly became emotional and sad again. We've fought 3 times already this week and he says he's worried that this is never going to stop. I feel like I can't even control it anymore and I don't understand what happened to our amazing relationship from the summer. AHHHH I know I've pushed him to his breaking point because HE'S actually worried (and he never is) and I can tell that he no longer is happily forgiving me anymore and instead is not very happy with me.How can I stop this?? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (21 September 2007):
You have some internal anger that you direct at him. He will not take this treatment much longer. You need to go at lease 2 months without starting a fight. During that time you must figure why you get the urge to fight. Writing dow you feeling right after your urge to fight occurs would be most helpful. Contact someone to help you make sense of your notes.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 September 2007):
 He is worried. Who wants to be with a time bomb.
It sounds as if there is some imbalance that has taken place upstairs. I would go to a counselor and see if you can get that worked out. You're crying a lot and picking the fights, feeling guilty afterward is a good sign, it shows empathy. I'm worried for you that if you don't regain control, you're going to end up alone.
Since empathy is part of what you are seeing you can choose one of two different directions to take. First, seek counseling to see if you may have developed depression, or bi-polar, the only factor that makes me look at the second options is bi-polar usually doesn't include apologizing for your behavior.
The second option is to seek advice from a medical doctor to check if there is some form of hormonal imbalance taking place. Have you, just prior to this received any additional stress? Any traumatic incidents or worries? Did you begin taking or change medications? Did you begin or change forms of birth control? All of these can play a factor in your behavioral change.
In the mean time, talk to your boyfriend, try everything you can not to start a fight at that time and tell him you understand something is not right, and you know you've been treating him less than he deserves to be treated. Tell him you will make it up to him, and if he would stick by you when you go to the doctor to find the answers.
I hope everything works out for you. Take care.
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