A
female
age
30-35,
* am Othello
writes:Alright, so getting straight into it, my boyfriend and I have been sexually active for about 5 months or so. He is what I personally consider my first proper boyfriend, as my 'real' first lasted a very short time because of abuse, but we were not sexually active.I was quite wary of men in general after my first abusive boyfriend, and it took quite a long time to allow any form of intimacy to happen between my current boyfriend and me. We've been together almost 11 months now, and it must have taken 4/5 months for us to even get to a comfortable kissing stage. I know that sounds immature but back then kissing just felt really horrible for me - NOT physically, it felt wrong emotionally, I'm not exactly sure why. I'm completely comfortable with it now of course, and I'm kind of sorry for putting my boyfriend through that XDAnyway, we've had penetrative sex 5 or 6 times now - I've been very cautious and careful about it all, partly because I know that 'things' can happen by accident, and that it's going to be painful for me for a while. I don't know how often most people have sex...but I know that him and I don't do it as much as most of our age group 'say' they do. Whether or not they're just lying to sound cool is debatable XDJust to let you know, my boyfriend is fine with not having sex that much - I don't think either of us are particularly inclined to it, even though it's nice when we're in the mood. What I'm worried about, is that I can't seem to climax - at ALL.When I started reading up about how to stimulate certain areas whilst having penetrative sex I decided to try it out and I've done it 3 times now to try and get to climax. It hasn't worked, even though I can do it fine if I masturbate (as much as it is embarrassing to admit that I masturbate I have the aid of anonymous posting!)My guy is a pretty big guy I think...down in his lower regions. XD So I'm thinking that he's hitting my g-spot and the pain is just sort of covering it up. Also I guess the positions we use kind of make it hard for me to get a good angle for self stimulation. I don't reaaly have a specific question - but this IS an advice site, so I'm just asking for general advice, if that's alright =)Also, I'm using Cerazette right now, and the online site fails to be absolutely clear on whether we need to use a condom or not, so if anyone TRULY knows the facts that would be great =PThanks a lot!
View related questions:
condom, g-spot, immature, in the mood, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (11 August 2012):
 First off, it should not hurt ever. Continuing to have sex won't make it hurt less. Your vagina does not become stretched out or more open as you more farther away from virginity. The only time it changes is either temporarily through arousal or stretching from childbirth. It sounds like you are not getting nearly enough foreplay. You should be close to or have already had an orgasm before he tries to penetrate you. You wouldn't ask him to have sex before he's hard, so you shouldn't be having sex before you're aroused either. When you are aroused your vagina expands in all directions and self-lubricates. When you have sex without being turned on enough, it's like sandpaper. So make certain you spend a LONG time on foreplay. For most women, foreplay is the "mainplay." So make it count! Also buy some lube. Water or silicone-based lube is one of those things that all couples should have around.
You also should not be expecting to orgasm from penetration. The vast majority of women (75%) cannot. Your vagina is not a pleasure organ, your clitoris is. Expecting to orgasm solely from your vagina is no different from a guy expecting to orgasm from stimulating only his testicles. If you can orgasm from masturbation, you're already doing everything right. Whatever you do during that, show it to your boyfriend and have him do that. Or do it while you have sex (it's not working right now because you're in pain, but once you have enough foreplay and lube and it stops hurting then it will probably be different).
About your pill, you don't need to use a condom in addition to it if you are being careful to take it at the same time every day. However, the mini-pill (what you are on) is easier to take incorrectly and lose effectiveness with. You might want to look into things such as implanon or the depo shot, which are more effective.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (11 August 2012):
 You will need some more foreplay and you will need to stimulate yourself/show him how to stimulate you. Most women cannot orgasm just from being penetrated, they need a lot more. Try to relax and enjoy the sensations.
You could also just be nervous or holding back a little. When I was your age I was constantly thinking about pregnancy even when I was on birth control, so I never really relaxed as much as I could and then did not orgasm as much.
...............................
|
