A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 17, we've been going out for a little over a year. Our relationship is mainly over the internet, as we live 1000 miles away from one another, but get together on holidays. He started out as a friend and then a rebound from my previous relationship, but I really do love him. I am his first girlfriend. He's not very masculine or good at making small talk, spending most of his free time either playing video games or talking to me - at times I feel ignored, but if I suggest taking a break (not even breaking up) he freaks out and becomes clingy. But he really is very sweet and I know he tries his hardest to make me happy and do things I've told him I like (when not hooked into games). The problem is that, sometimes, I get really angry at him or am nasty toward him for no reason and I can't stop verbally beating on him. Even if my brain understands what I'm doing is wrong and that he hasn't done anything, my emotions keep right on hating. I don't like hurting him, but I can't stop either. Normally, I'm very calm, stable and objective, but not around him (or either of my (divorced) parents).I've always been a little unhappy in the relationship, but the angry outbursts started a few months in and just got worse and more frequent as time went on (though, they have lightened up a little over break). The thing is, when we're physically together, it feels like we were meant to be ~ everything is happy, warm-feeling and perfect (even after nearly a month in the same house), but when we're over the internet, it's like the distance stops feelings getting through like they should and I hate him at times. He has depression and is really sensitive in general (he is seeing a shrink), but he clings on tightly no matter what I do. His clingy, child-like personality seems sweet at times, but frequently it bothers me (I tend to take pride in my self-reliance and strength) and I feel trapped by him. Not to mention frustrated by how little we can do together over the net. And his academic abilities give me a slight inferiority complex (but, then, I'm not to shabby in that department, either).He also tends to be extremely horny (I know this is typical of teenage boys). Rationally, I know he would never cheat on me, but he used to be kind of an online slut before we got together (the internet being where most of his social life used to take place) and sometimes, like when he talks to people from those days, I feel very resentful and distrustful toward him. Our preferences on the kinds of erotic activities are also very different, though I have always tried to be accepting and even participate in his preferences and, lately, he has been working on changing, both in respect to sex and the other things I've talked to him about. Also, he will be going into college next year and is planning on moving a bit closer. I will also be seeing a shrink soon because of my own emotional issues.Would it be better for both of us to break up, or should we try to work it out a bit longer? Is there any way I can learn to not get so crazy and unhappy around him?
View related questions:
a break, horny, on holiday, the internet, trapped, video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 September 2010):
 Listen, I dated a lot of really great guys, who I had kind of crazy relationships with. There were a few guys who just brought out the worst in me, and I'd act a lot like you. We'd fight a lot and like, 40% of the time I'd just feel really pissed off or unhappy around him. But, since we had such a drastic downside, our happy times were really really good. (I dated actors, they're all dramadramadrama.)
And then I dated some guys who I just didn't do that with. I was relaxed, at ease, myself. I wasn't always tense, or crying or fighting and saying things I didn't mean. I married the guy who I was 94% happy around. It's nice just going around in life content. Sure, I'd say over all 4% has gone to bickering, 2% over something that was important and got solved.
It just doesn't seem like you're very happy in this relationship or excited about it. You feel trapped. You're resentful and distrustful of him. You keep asking for breaks... I know it's not "breaking up" but if you're asking for an actual break from this guy just so you can breath, and relax that can't mean this relationship is the right one. You can find a boyfriend who when you're around him it's a little vacation.
This relationship is just taking up way too much emotional energy. Not a healthy amount. This is going to wear you out!! You should break up and take awhile to catch up... you must be exhausted.
Good luck, sweet. He may be a great guy and you are obviously a great girl, but that doesn't mean that you're right for each other. You will each make somebody a lot happier than you make each other, it seems to me.
|
