A
female
age
30-35,
*isangel16
writes:So me an my boyfriend of almost 6 months just broke up, an I dont know what to do honestly, he came over friday night and we hung out for a little while then he broke up with me, i was heart broken so we talked for like 2 hours then we got everything out in the opend an he asked me back out, I said yes then we had sex, about 5 mins after we had sex he broke up with me AGIN, an wants to just be friends, the only problems with that is first we were never friends in the begining I wouldnt know how to act, we met an a week later we started dateing, an second I am still head over heels in love with him, like no knows, but now i dont even have friends, all of my friends he hated so me being a dumb ass i droped them to make him happy, and now that we are just friends he is still all i have, not to menchen he is playin head games with me so bad, he says we are just on a brake but he loves me an misses me, an I know if he was to ask me back out I would say yes, I cant say no to being with the love of my life, but I just dont think it will be the wises thing an I know i will just get hurt even worse, what do I do????????
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 April 2008):
 Wow, Birdy and Daniel have pretty much summed it up here. Birdy is correct. You do need your friends to help you deal with this, so don't be afraid to ask them for help. You may need to apologize if you parted company with them in an angry way, but in my experience, friends can sometimes see things more clearly than you can, because their judgement isn't being clouded by 'passion.' And if they are true friends, and want the best for you, then they will be happy to have you back in their lives.
And Daniel is correct too; think of this as a learning experience, a difficult, nasty, unhappy experience, but one that could help you make some better choices in the future.
This 'boyfriend' is a user, he has figured out how to get you to do what HE wants; he doesn't even have to be a proper boyfriend, he just shows up, makes nice for a while, gets the 'make up' sex, then breaks up with you again so that he doesn't have to have any emotional investment in keeping you happy.
Don't give him the power to decide your actions. I personally think that being friends first, then lovers, is a really great way to build a strong relationship. Respect is so crucial in dealing with a loved one; he has shown you no respect at all.
Go rent some movies in which breaking up is a key component of the plot, get lots of kleenex, make some popcorn, and allow yourself to experience the end of the relationship! Cry, laugh, tear up his picture, flush it down the toilet! Have a cathartic cleansing of him out of your life.
There are many worthy guys out there, and if you let yourself believe that he is the one and only love of your life, you are only holding yourself back. Trust me on this one!
All the best.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 April 2008):
 I agree with Birdy in many, many respects. I think that a little opinion from a man´s point of view could help you, so I just won't say I agree with her.
In your post, you say that
"the only problems with that is first we were never friends in the beginin"
I agree with Birdy that you have a much bigger problem. In my opinion, that problem is that you gave everything up in exchange of his love. You dived into the relationship because you need love. But he isn't giving you love, and never will; he is just taking advantage of the fact that someone is up for the grabs, and is abusing you. And I'm surprised at how mean he is at abusing you. But, above all, this whole thing of giving yourself away in exchange for love is a very bad idea. That is the one problem you should solve. He is just a very cruel and mean person. If you were strong enough not to need him, not to give yourself up, then he couldn't harm you.
You're very young and perhaps you have not had the time to think about these things, and then you were unlucky and met him. Life is better and more fulfilling if you call your own shots. It might be much more difficult, but the extra effort is well worth it.
You need to be a full individual yourself if you are to love and be loved. You can't be anybody's toy.
You are right: if you stay with him, you will only get hurt even worse. Because he has no respect for you at all.
Let's see: he came to your home, broke up with you but didn't leave, talked to you for about two hours, slept with you, and then he broke up again. Do you know what he did? First, he gave you his "sweet" presence; once he knew he had you, he smashed you with a hammer; then he gave you sweets again, so he could sleep with you, and then he smashed you again. He's very good at manipulating you.
Now he says you're on a break, but he loves you and misses you. What sense does that make? Shouldn't he be with you if he loved you? But his actions do make sense if you see them as the same "procedure": he breaks up, so he will make you want him, and then he can do anything he wants with you.
This is the same treatment you will get forever unless you stand up for yourself. And, sadly, it could happen again unless you begin loving yourself, you demand respect, and you call your own shots. You will meet another bastard who will do the same, unless you show, from the very beginning, that you're no toy.
Do demand respect for you and leave the man. Believe me, you will be much, much better off. Try to reconnect with your friends. Try to make new friends, also. But most of all, never, ever give yourself completely up in a relationship to the point that the other party will abuse you at will.
The worst part of this would be that you leave this relationship and don't learn the lesson. You have been through a lot with him; make sure it never happens again.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (8 April 2008):
 Does his behavior prove to you that he loves you? Or that he is selfish, wants his own way all the time and is a controlling bully who uses you for sex? You have to stand up for something, Otherwise you'll fall for anything. Take off the rose-colored glasses. He is using you. Bullies always divide and separate. By getting rid your friends, and you did it FOR him, he can control ALL of your thoughts for you - you gave up all your outside support for him.
You have a much bigger problem. You need your friends. You should go back to them, beg their forgiveness, and ask them for their help. Apologize once, twice, three times, until you finally get back into their good graces. Ask them what you should do next, because you are going to need their support to get through this. You don't love him, you are attracted to him and have a crush on him. Love is never having to say you are sorry, and it sounds like you're pretty sorry you met him.
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