A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been divorced from my husband for just over a year. we were together for 16 years but only married for 6 years. We couldn't have children despite having IVF and there was a lot of tension between us. He treated me very well but was a little controlling and in the last 2 years of our marriage I began to get bored. I spent a lot of time working and socialising with my friends. I admit that I did very little in the home and didn't cook or clean for him for the last year we were together. I eventually met another guy who I felt gave me more than my husband and we began an affair. My husband found out and asked for a divorce immediately. I won half the home in the divorce and bought my own place and the guy I was seeing moved in with me. It was all very exciting for a while but eventually this guy stopped working and contributing to my new home and we argued and things became violent. I kept contacting my husband to ask for his support because things were going badly for me. He was very emotional when I spoke to him and it made me think about getting back with him. The problem is that I have found out through friends that he has been seeing someone else for the last 5 months and thinks he is happy with her. I asked him about her and he didn't say much except that he really likes her and she is a good person who makes him happy.I found out via another friend that he has asked her to move in with him.I don't know if she has agreed.I really want him back now and am desperate to push this new woman out of the picture before she decides to move in on what was my home. He was with me for 16 years so there must be a chance that he still loves me and I would do anything to get back in my old home and have a chance with him again. He has also lost a lot of weight and gotten into shape and I find him much more attractive now than when he was overweight.what can I do to convince him that he should give me another chance? I have tried calling him weekly and even become very emotional when I called round to his to pick up my mail. I was there the other day and the new woman called him. He seemed very uncomfortable talking to her on the phone while I was there so I think he cannot be that serious about her.Please help me get him back in my life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): You are obviously determined and I think you need to be much clearer emotionally as to exactly why you want this relationship back. Write this down and it will help you consider things clearly. In addition you may want to look at what you can bring to the relationship if it were to start again and what your hopes and dreams are. This might sound like an emotional investment to do all this ground work now but if you get the chance for a heart to heart with your ex you will need this clarity as you may only get one chance to say it all to him. Once you are prepared I guess the only way is to see him and set up a relaxed, informal and neutral environment in which you can tell him precisely how you feel. The worst that can happen is that he says he has no feelings for you and cannot imagine trying again. In which case you MUST respect his new relationship. I wouldn't normally say this but I think you may have a window of opportunity now but realise this other woman is innocent in all of this so you must be tactful and respectful - as far as possible. I always think you should try and do what is in your heart - otherwise you will torment yourself and lets face it.... there is always a chance the relationship could be revitalised. I hope you get the chance to try as I think your motives are very genuine.
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