A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Recently a coworker and I have become very close. We are both in marriages that are very rocky and we are of the opposite sex. I am posting just hear what other people think might be going on here. Before I begin, I realize I am still married even though my wife and I have discussed a mutual seperation, and would not start anything with anyone until all parties are in the clear. Don't want to start or end anything with bad kharma.This coworker and I have spent considerable time outside of the office together, usually grabbing a few drinks by ourselves after work. We usually hang out 2 times a week with some text messaging throughout the week. We worked together for about a year now but just recently realized how much we enjoy each other's company. I have hung out also with her husband, but he tends to not like going out as much. During our outings, my coworker and I have talked in great depth about our relationships. Both of us have admitted that the time we spend is fantastic and would not want it to end, but again we are married. She has children, so there is more uncertainty in her direction in life, which is understandable. She has taken short term separations but nothing long term. Her husband, regardless just doesn't seem to want to change his ways on the issues she has with him.Lately we discussed our strong friendship but also made sure each of us need to keep it in check and the future will hold its own cards for us. This week I mentioned to her that I wouldn't mind hanging out in a nondrink related environment in which case she agreed. She said we should take off for just the day (no night) and hang out (as friends) by ourselves. She text and emails me regularly with usual playful banter and teasing (name calling). The other night she text me around 9:30 to hang out with another couple, which I did. the other couple is friends with her husband but he wasn't there. When I asked if he was there in txt, I got no answer. I still went and as she said, hadn't had such a good time in we don't know when.One day she brings up our day outing as fun for the two of us but then will mention to others that we are going to hang out and states to them that she might invite others too. We have done light flirting through conversation, but always in a playful manner. I guess I am just trying to figure out what kind of signals she is sending out as they seem mixed. I imagine she has some internal issues with her spouse and questioning what really is their status, but still trying to figure it out, both to be aware and to make sure I make smart moves. I wonder does she have feelings for me and cannot address them right now, just not sure on the friends boundries, or what. Flirting probably shouldn't have ever happened to begin with, but now that it has, regardless of the future, I wouldn't want to break this incredible friendship that I have.
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female
reader, :):):)  +, writes (4 May 2008):
Working in a close enviroment is always going to draw people closer together and in this case maybe a little to close. It does seem she enjoys being in your company very much so and vice versa.
However as both of you already have strong ties, she understands that an affair of any kind cannot happen. It sounds as if shes trying to get away with as much as she can without it become an affair, eg. playful banter, flirting.
As it stands at present, you're not in a position to be together without it causing alot of distress to others and to you both.
Theres no need to break off a great friendship but I think it would be a good idea if you asked her what she wanted from you, just to get things out in the open.
xxx
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 May 2008):
 You've done your best to disguise this by calling it a friendship. It is not a friendship. Friends are buddies,pals etc. You want more. By the way, you said you don't want to start or end anything with bad kharma....I think the train has already left the station on that matter.
Neither of you can work on your marriages while playing like your just friends. In my opinion it is very juvenile behavior to be so disrespectful to a spouse by carrying on with playful teenage type texts and name calling.
As cute as you make all this sound, you're playing in the big leagues. If you don't want o be married, divorce. The same goes for your buddy. Have integrity and do the appropriate thing in the appropriate order.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): Sounds like she is afraid of having your little outing alone because she can't or doesn't want to bring herself to being unfaithful to her husband. Any respectable woman with a husband & kids wouldn't be leading another man on whilst still married. She is not separated from her husband & there as no mention in your entire post of them separating. So, where does this leave you? I suggest you take a cold shower & forget about her in that manner (sexual) unless & until she & her husband are separated (better yet, divorced). Of course this is easier said than done, so I suggest that you have a talk with her and ask her yourself what she is going to do about her marriage. It sounds more or less, to me at least, that you really wanted that day alone solely for the purpose of getting into her pants.
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