A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all agony aunts, I need your advice. Me and my fiance have been together 2 years, and been engaged for 1. We both still live at our parents, but I'm moving away to university soon. What normally happens is he'll stay over a couple of days and then leave a couple of days, but more often than not he lives with me and calls my place home. Recently, he's been bringing over his computer, but he's also been leaving every other day now. So it's like he'll take it apart, bring it over, and then take it back apart and leave the next day. Just to take it apart and bring it back over two days later! For whatever reason it REALLY upsets me when he does this. I can't put it into words, but it's like he can just leave anytime he wants, like he's not committed to living together, and to marriage. Even worse, his reply is that it's his property and he'll do what he wants with it. He doesn't understand how I feel, and I can't put it into words...does anyone understand how I feel? I know it's weird, but I can't shake the feeling. :(
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 I think you are overreacting. Quite simply, probably he needs his computer in the couple of days he spends apart from you, and owning a PC, which taking apart and setting up again takes all of two minutes, it's normal that he prefers using his own rather than borrowing one or going to an Internet cafe'.
I'd do the same, and you' d probably do it too- just substitute to " computer " your " contact lenses " or " curling iron " or anything you may want to always have handy.
Obviously this coming and going of objects reminds you negatively of the precariety of your arrangement , but the fact is that this IS a temporary arrangement , you aren't actually really living together .
Is there perhaps something else in his behaviour or in your relationship that makes you feel insecure , at some level, about his committment ? Is maybe the computer just a symbol of some more deep- rooted insecurity ?
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