A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I posted a question about my issue here:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/cant-let-go-of-a-past-one-night.htmlI have discovered something else now and I'm hoping some of you can help meFor those of you who don't want to read the previous post the question is:I met my now boyfriend Dan last year. We went on 3 dates but I ended it as I wanted to pursue someone else. Things with the other guy didn’t work out and I got back together with Dan. I didn’t sleep with either of them during that time.I’ve now been with Dan for 8 months and have never been treated so well by anyone. He loves me and he’s so amazing.I found out that during the time I was pursuing the other guy, Dan was seeing someone else. I’m cool with that, he had a right to do that, just like I did.A month after I ‘dumped’ Dan I got back in touch with him. I messaged him on a Mon night and he asked me out for Sat. The other day he told me that he slept with the girl he was seeing on the Friday night before our date on Sat. He says he regrets it, that it was a mistake and that it shouldn’t have happened. He says that’s the last time he saw her or talked to her. He said he wasn’t interested anymore.I know that leaving him for another guy was not the right thing to do but I didn’t even touch the other guy. I only kissed him once. I know I have no right to judge Dan but I can’t get this girl out of my head (I know what she looks like as she’s still a friend on his Facebook). If he had slept with her before I got back in touch with him I wouldn’t care…but he did it the night before we met up again.He’s told me that I have nothing to worry about, that I’m number one for him and that he’s never loved anyone before me. I don’t want to make this into a problem and ruin what we have, but I don’t know how to deal with it. I just need ways to deal with this and look past it but I’m finding it quite hard.Thanks :)
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 April 2010):
You have to remember that you were the one who wanted to pursue someone else, and that he had every right do do what he did. He may not have known that you wanted to get back, he might have thought it was a date. Or he might have been worried that you were going to date him a few times then leave him again, so he was keeping options open just in case. What you now have to remember is that he did come back to you, and not her, and that he really does love you over everyone else. This girl is not even an issue, because if she was he would never have come back with you. Yes, he did have sex with her and he knew he was going to see you, but he has since cut all contact and is totally devoted to you. You do have to accept it was done when you were not together. If you don't or can't accept it, then don't even consider this relationship because it will not work out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): I have to be brutally honest with you coz I think that you are a little (if not alot) one-sided! You were pursuing someone else and he had a life. And he got with someone a day before your date...well how was he to know whether this date would be a success or whether you would pursue someone else again? So he slept with her...what now? You can't UNSLEEP with someone ...so you either have to accept that you are not the centre of the universe and respect his right to a life or go find someone who can wait for you to make up your mind while he just twiddles his thumbs. I am sorry I hope that I am not being too harsh but I think that you are making a storm in a tea cup! xx
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A
female
reader, single gal  +, writes (29 April 2010):
he confessed to you about what happened. that means he felt guilty, that really shows he cares about you and wants to be honest and have no secrets. he even regrets it.
i can understand the betrayal you feel, but he had just asked you out only for a date. things could have worked out or may not have.
he has made his choice and chose you.
you cannot compare what you did or didnt do with the other guy , with what he did with the other girl.
remind yourself everyday of the great guy you have in your life, tell me your concerns.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): Ways to deal with it... well, I think some self-honesty. You need to accept things for how they happened, you chose not to be with him. He was therefore rejected. So just because you decided to meet up again, why would he have reserved himself for you? You could have flaked on him again. Think of it this way, imagine if a guy started to see you, but then dumped you for someone else. Meanwhile, you start getting physical with a new guy, but then guy number 1 wants to meet up. Are you going to hold off from seeing guy number 2, just in case guy number 1 has "changed"
It is unfortunate how things worked out but it shows it's never good to decide to have breaks, or not be sure about your commitment to one another.
I really think, unless you have some kind of deeper emotional problem (very unlikely, you seem a very reasonable person) you will get over this naturally overtime. Just try and have happy fun times with the guy and eventually they will mean more to you :)
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