A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi out there.I was wondering if anyone has rekindled a relationship with someone who it just wasn't working with originally, and managed to resolve the issues?Problem is, I'm head over heels for this guy who I've spent most of my adult life with, but he has suffered depression for many years. He's kept it at bay, or suppressed it for so long (as men do), but when he became involved emotionally with someone else last year while he was in the process of being bullied out of his job, that's where he realised he was SO disconnected emotionally.It seems he's realised his mistakes and wants to get on top of this depression, yet he won't seek help for it.. being too afraid of opening the pandoras box I think. I can only do so much of the work in trying to save what we had. He has to help himself. The thing is, I know that he's always loved me.. I've never questioned that. But with no commitment from him over the years, his inability to show his emotions and affection towards me, how long does a girl stick around JUST coz she loves the guy? All I can think of is all our history, our memories.. our holidays.. the wonderful supportive things he's done for me.. how after a bad day he's the first person I want to call.. how after something great happens in my life, he's the first person I want to run to to celebrate it with.What do you think I should do? Underneath his depression he's STILL the same guy I fell in love with years ago.. I do see that. I get faint glimpses of the guy underneath. But on the outside, he is clammed up and has so much to work through. Once he works through the emotional stuff, I believe that same affectionate guy lies underneath all the misery. Do I wait for him? He's the only man I've ever truely loved.I sound pathetic I think. But I'm very aware that when such strong emotions are involved, you can't think of the right decision. I know what I'd tell a friend in the same situation though. I just don't want to let him go.. and let go of what we had if there's a chance we could work hard to get that back. HE was my home.. and now I just feel homesick 24/7. It's so hard.Please feel free to give opinions.
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male
reader, DeadEyeDick  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 He obviously loves you, and you obviously love him, I went throught this, I am Bipolar, only I had no idea that I was, I always knew I spent a good majority of my life, depressed, but It wasnt until after my daughter was born, and I started getting stressed, I would snap at my girlfriend, be extremely agitated, every little thing she (or anyone) would do, seemed to irritate me, then Id just feel happy, like I couldnt be stopped, then without warning the happiest shit in the world, wouldnt matter a little, cause life was doomed, and I felt nothing to live for, my ex tried for 8 years, but the thing was I didnt know I was reacting as harshly as I was to her, snapping at her, blowing up over nothing, basically treating her like shit, I loved her more then anything, heres exactly what you should do, cause If my ex had done this, it would have been effective, I didnt want to believe I had something wrong, so I tried to act happy all the time, only it wasnt working, she eventually just told me she was out of love and left, and was not interested in working anything out, which of course kicked me into high gear, getting looked at, and on meds, only it was to late, you should do this, only leave yourself open to see if he takes it seriously enough to seek help, if he loves you as much as you claim he does, then the thought of losing you will either send him into a deeper depression, or motivate him to get help to get you back, either way the answer will be so clear you wont believe your eyes, he's either going to get help, or let you leave, then you have the choice made for you already!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 This may sound heartless , but I think trying to rekindle is both difficult and not a great idea.
If you were already his wife, and he develops depression, then you can't just wash your hands of it and you have to be there for him.
But you are not involved yet- and he has not asked your involvement, so if you'd move on you'd save yourself a lot of trouble. It may be hard and disheartening living with a seriously depressed partner.
Depression is not like measles, once you call the doctor, swallow a few prescription drugs and bear through the worst part of the attack, then you are fine and healed for life.
Depression according to most scientists and physicians has a strong biochemical component, so it is in minimal part "reactive" meaning depending from what goes on in your life,good or bad. It may be triggered by a negative event- or by nothing at all. It may go away, and be latent for quite a long while, and then come back. Over,and over again. Maybe you want to be at his side while he is battling his demons. The point is that he does not want to battle anything. He is not seeking treatment, he does not want to help himself. And you cannot make him want- maybe he never will.
Are you really prepared to wait indefinitely until he decides to seek help ? And what if he doesn't ?
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