A
female
age
30-35,
*nderdog
writes:I'm having trouble dealing and moving past previous bad experiences at work and other things. I've been to the doctors and they have implied (not officially diagnosed anything) that I have anxiety. Although I don't worry per se more beat myself up and make myself feel bad. My focuses change to different times of my life and different experiences all the time, I'll focus on one thing for a few days/weeks then I'll move on to the next thing, then the next until I comes back to the first thing I was focused on, a vicious circle really.My main focus at the minute is bad experience at my previous workplace. I work in care, a spontaneous move that I hadn't never thought of until the time I applied for the job. I trained on the job at this particular workplace, it wasn't very professional and the organisation didn't care about staff, only about the money. When I first started I threw myself into the deep end, I had never worked in this kind of role before and was not very confident at all (not like me at all). On first meeting my new colleagues everything seemed OK, telling me various things like where things were and where to go. Half way through my first day I could tell something was off, they weren't very friendly or talkative, left me on my own when I had no idea what to do. All of this escalated throughout the year I was there training, and eventually I would find out they were talking about me behind me back; saying I didn't have a clue, I was rubbish, stupid etc etc. Instead of coming to me about any problems they may have had or even telling me where I'm going wrong, they would take the chance any time I left the room to complain and bitch about me. It was a workplace full of women and I wasn't the only person they talked about but it certainly affected me that they said I was crap, especially since it was a spontaneous choice to even get into the role. I'm not saying I was perfect, far from it. I was a student, learning what to do. I probably should have asked more questions at the start and just went and did things when I thought to but, trying not to make excuses here, feeling their offness towards me I feared of being judged if I asked something (after all they already thought I was stupid). After about 5 months of this I decided that I wasn't going to let them ruin a potential career for me so threw myself in and eventually was doing almost everything myself, which didn't help as they then took advantage and I essentially "became their bitch ". Although things settled down a bit after doing this, I had so much on my plate and still learning myself, I would make silly mistakes- more amo for them to talk about me. It was kind of a no win The minute I qualified I left. The new company I am at now is great, it is a more relaxed atmosphere, everyone does their fair share, I'm not scared to ask questions or admit that I don't know something (even though I'm qualified I'm still learning, I didn't learn much in my previous place), their all more experienced. But I cant shake my horrible experience from my last work place, it was my first job in the field I am in and I called rubbish. It makes me feel like I shouldn't be in the role I am. I feel horrible for the way they treated me and constantly second guess myself and am suspicious of others incase their just being nice to my face. I'm also extremely ashamed at the way I let them treat me! In fact I think I feel worse about that than anything I wouldn't necessarily say I was bullied as they never said anything to my face or teased etc but knowing you were being talked about pretty much every day isn't a nice feeling. I was never in that position in high school or..we'll ever so I'm not sure if that's why it's affected/ing me so much! Any advice on how to just move on already? Anyone been in a similar situation?
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at work, bullied, money, move on, workplace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2016):
 Glad you are seeking help. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, underdog +, writes (29 January 2016):
underdog is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you that really helps! I have an appointment with a therapist in a couple of weeks so fingers crossed I can get help and eventually get over everything!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (28 January 2016):
They have dented your confidence and made you feel like you are worthless and no good at being a carer. They where not nice women and its a shame that you where at the firing end.
It takes time to get over people treating you bad. Sometimes you blame yourself and go in to self destruct mode, then you blame them and go in to self pity mode, then comes the anger, the paranoia. It is a vicious circle. May I suggest that you talk to a therapist? They will help you deal with your issues. They will help you see that you where the victim but that now it is time to take control of your life, trust your new colleagues and learn to love the new role you are doing. You are punishing yourself here. Its time to look at everything from a positive light.
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