A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi i have a serious problem i'm shy beyond belief. I've always been this way. At school i used to blush intensly, so much so after any encounter where i had to speak my face felt like it was burning up. In small groups of friends i was o.k but still not the most talkative.Ive had a couple of girl friends and been o.k talking to them.Its just i can't make small talk when introduced to a new group of people. I end up saying hello how are you etc but i can't, try as i might, talk about anything. Its like i can't string my thoughts together and turn them into words. My head whirrs away but nothing comes out, except maybe the odd question. I have little strong opinion on anything. If for instance someone was preaching against porn i'd see their point of view, if someone was preaching in favour of porn i'd see their point of view, if i was asked my view i'd be unable to choose.How can i find a/my voice, and use it?
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male
reader, gram  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 good aye mate,i no exactly how u feel i was the same about 3years ago.id sit in the corner,feel my face turning red when i spoke or even when i was spoken to, and u know the only thing i changed was personal development.i started reading self help books,and if yr anything like me you would be thinking "oh man i left school so i didnt have to read again and i hate reading" but hey i still hate reading but im not happy bout being quiet and shy so i do what i have to do to become the person i want to. i give you a couple of names of books to find at the library. 'skill with people' by 'LES GIBLON. 'empower yourself' by 'CLIVE MURPHY', personality plus 'by 'FLORENCE LITTAUER' and 'the magic of thinking big' are some that i guarentee will turn u upside down.now its up to u to put the effort in to read these books so u can talk to new people.i understand how u feel i really do,i use to give yes and no answers.the above books turned my life around,hopefully they do to u too if you give them a chance.let me know how you go if you do decide to read
A
female
reader, growing  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 To be honest,you should enroll yrself in some personality development classes. that really helps and if you are not looking for something like that then you need to motivate yourself.
You need lots of self motivation.be confident about your opinion. you said you are neither against nor for the porns when some1 debates on that but this is just bcos you feel that if you support sum1 then even you have to speak your mind in a group and if majority turns against you then how will you come out of it?so first start forming your opinion about things around you.its just that some1 ask you whats yr preferred season ?and you end up saying i don't know.even a child of 3 will have his own prefrences so thats for sure even you have your own set of likings and dislikings.once you are confident and clear in your mind about your thouhgts and perceptions then second step is to express them
well its not that difficult that you are thinking for ages now.yes,noone is asking you to hold seminars or some talk shows.
when you commence this practise of public speaking then i would suggest that make sure that you start giving your opinoins in your family cos thats where one feel most secure and you won't have fear of rejection there.then you can slowly start doing the same with your best frds cos there you hv minimum risk of rejection too.when you start speaking your mind among your frds and relatives then there is nothing to look back at.go and be that one of the social animal.you will feel more and more confident as you come across different individuals.
here observation is also needed.i mean start observing others how they speak .its same as its in school.lemme give you an example,countries where english is second language their student learns it my listening to their teachers and they acuaaly immitate her accent and her style just to learn it in bettr way so this is what you need to do here.start immitating your frds and one you think are confident.
but yes,if you have time and you can,then go for some public speaking classes.
i hope this helped you. best of luck!!
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