A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have been trying to make new friends for about a year. I got out of a long relationship a year and a half ago, graduated from college like 3 yrs. ago and changed churches, got older (LOL), quit a job...etc. A lot of things have changed in my life and with those changes my few friendships have suffered with them. I'm unemployed and don't want the pressure of a man inquiring about my life like it's something that is going to affect him for the rest of his life. I'm not interested in relationships I just want friends. I'm tired of talking only to my family. I tried going back to unmarried old friends (but some of them have issues, they're actually envious of me because I have had boyfriends and they haven't, believe it or not), I've tried people on my new church and (just a little) meeting people online too but it seems no one wants to commit to a new friendship after 30 unless is for relationship purposes.They all seem to just want to settle and get married. I don't. There are a lot of things that I need to see and do before I get married. I don't go for just anybody because I like my friends and I to have similar interests. I have found some nice people with good qualities but nothing is working. Sometimes they already have friends and feel they don't need new ones, or just don't get I'm not interested in saying just hi. I need friends for the rest of my life. People are just so self-centered. I try to be nice but everybody just smiles and says 'hi good to see you', and then they act as if they are so busy and have to get on with their lives. I'm not clingy, I'm pretty, intelligent, I can talk abouy anythign, I think I'm funny, I try to get interested in people... but I'm just tired of trying. Sometimes I feel this is why people get married because at this age (at least when you are a woman) is almost impossible to make new friends. I think men usually don't have this problem. Is it because I'm unemployed that I'm friendless? Is it impossible to make at least one new bestfriend when you are a female in your thirties? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): I'm the poster of the question. I DON't have a job because no one gives me a job. Simple. I said I lived in the USA but I don't, I live in a territory of the USA and I have a Masters' degree and It's normal here being unemployed, because this is a poor territory. I hate the fact that people ask me why I have not reached the things I want the most. Makes you feel like dirt. You are what you can be not what you want to be.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (25 January 2009):
 yes friends can be made through work but ussualy when you work with someone all the time it is difficult to want to spend time with thme outside work.
also a lot of people just want a relationship and little else
i have a job and the exact same problem so i think a lot of it is modern attitudes-why go see someone when you can watch tv/bla/blah/blah. modern life can be antisocial with car journeys that you dont say hello in, etc.
i have no answer but knowing that you are not the only one should get some sort of pleasure. when i am hungry it always makes me happy to know someone else is too. itstops me feeling that the universe is victimising me and reminds me that chance is pants
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A
male
reader, OmegaXF +, writes (25 January 2009):
 Your in a unique situation that most people probably couldn't understand. To be forgotten is worse than death, and that strikes fear in most people nowadays. What you should do is go out and do something you enjoy doing. Do something different and unique that is interesting to you, i.e. Rock climbing, snowboarding, skateboarding, surfing, etc.Something that most people probably won't be doing on an everyday bases. If your looking for friends,the best place to find them is doing the activities you love doing. Finding friends for life won't be easy but it's not impossible.
Hope that helps out.
OmegaXF
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (25 January 2009):
 well, how did you meet your original friends? Most people met their long term friends either in school or in a job when they are young and grew up together. A good young church or job would help. Plus, you are probably alot more picky now than when you were young so you are finding faults. My girlfriend is 26 and she complains about the same thing. She wants a very best close friend but doesnt seem to have one outside of me, yet she is on the phone or texting about a hundred different people daily. Friendships just seem to happen. Don't be affraid to talk to complete strangers. Whether you are standing in line at Wal-Mart or talking to people in a club. The more outgoing you are the more people want to be your friend.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): i think the first thing for you to consider is why dont you have a job? a job is much more than money ... It gives us a routine and helps us to appreciate our free time more on our days off. If I were in your position I would try to find a job then look at some other issues in your life .....
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