A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i have a friend who is 29 and as far as we know (we've known him since school) is a virgin. He's never had a gf and often expresses crushes on women at his work, etc, but will not ever act upon it, even if a woman asks him out. He's fairly shy, and makes jokes about being asexual and dying alone, and i have a good relationship with him and he calls me his only confidante.However, i have just got in touch with one of his mutual school friends and we were saying "what are we going to do about him?" as a joke. And this man suggested to me that he thinks my friend is gay.This i would take with a pinch of salt, except IVE had the same feeling.There is certainly nothing about my friend to suggest outwardly he's gay, i'm not saying it on that basis. hes not camp at all, no gay interests or sexual behaviour or admissions of anything like that. hes a bookish type, and very shy.What makes me wonder if he's gay is that we were talking about getting married once and i asked him if he ever saw himself with a wife and family. He replied he'd never get married, and certainly he'd never have children, but it was the WAY he said it, in a serious way, as though he were trying to say "look, lets put it this way, i'll never get married and have kids.." it made me wonder ever since then, and now this friend has said it too, i'm wondering.i'd like to broach the subject with him, as i hate to see him like he is, never having had any relationship, or mixing with anybody. its not really that i suspect hes gay, or bisexual or straight that's the issue. its that he seems very repressed and unable to talk to anybody about it. i know theres nobody he knows who he could speak to about this. but we don't really discuss our sexual lives with each other. i'm wondering if i should try and give him the chance to discuss this with me and even if i should- but how? x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): Your friend's sexuality is his business and you as his friend, should respect that. You don't really know what is going on in his head. In today's world, there is so much pressure and expectations. He might not feel comfortable enough to talk about this with anyone, gay or not. And at the age of 29, I'm sure he is putting even more pressure on himself without needing to explain his sexuality to anyone.
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