A
male
age
51-59,
*unkmailemail
writes:I don't know where or how to start. I am so emotionally messed up.I'm 40 years old and I met this girl who is an escort and fell in love with her. The first time I slept with her I knew nothing about her life of prostitution. She was a 27 year old lap dancer and she gave me her cellphone number whilst at the club.She came back to my house and we had sex. I thought wow and then she asked me for some money. I was a bit shattered by this but never showed it and duly paid her. Afterwards she continued to call me, we met often and I abstained from sex because I thought she would want money and it's not something I had ever done before in my life. Eventually after a week or two she started treating me like a real boyfriend, often telling me she loved me but it was always like something was missing emotionally on her part. I don't think it's necessarily that it's about me because I don't think she is a very loving person but I know whenever I was not there with her she would call me obsessively. I loved it and loved talking to her and just being with her.That was six months ago and now its all gone wrong. She hardly calls and hardly ever has sex with me and says things like it's because I don't pay. I feel so sad. I know she is depressed because I found antidepressants in her cupboard.She's not with anyone else but obviously has clients.She often plays guys pretending she likes them and asking them for commitment and told a guy she was pregnant. She also told me that she was pregnant to me in the early days but it was all just lies. She said she did it to see if I care...She is so complicated and has told me so so many lies recently but I love her and it's messing me up. I see her once a week or so and it's killing me. I cant function properly from one day to the next and I do crazy things like driving past her house all the time to see if there is a car outside or something.She calls sometimes in the early hours in the morning and begs me to go round saying she does not like being on her own. I go round and get into bed with her and just cuddle her then get up and go to work til the next time.What do people think about whats going on? and what should I do?
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male
reader, junkmailemail +, writes (8 November 2010):
junkmailemail is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to Latino, C Grant and especially Janniepeg for a quite thorough and wide answer...It is tough because what do you do when you love someone and who says what is infatuation and what is love? If I am infatuated with someone for the rest of my life then thats love right?...and I think thats how it should be as long as your strong person also!I love her but I too need sexual love....I always avoid saying "making love" because it never feels like that on her part!I think she cares about me but think she uses me also...Just to add I did tell her she could come and live with me. I opened my door to her. I said I would sell up and she wanted to move to the city.Update: We had a massive argument after she asked me to come round for the evening and spend some time. she had a client pick her up ten mins after I arrived and finally came back three hours later and drunk.We decided that was enough and she said she has to work and that maybe we should break. I said yes thats fine and explained I don't deserve to be treated like this by her, told her not to contact me and hung up the phone.She called dozens of times later that evening but I just ignored most of the calls. When I did answer it was bizarre, I was strong and explained I just have had enough of her treatment. She then asked if I had put my house on the market which I thought had nothing to do with our argument at all? It's all about what she wants and she does not seem to recognise how she made me feel when she just runs off with the client.Anyway she asked me to come round and I just refused and told her not to call me...End of Update.
A
male
reader, Latino201  +, writes (7 November 2010):
Man, you don't make this easy. Listen, if you care for her as a person, you might do her some good by being a friend. She does seem like a scam artist. Many women who are escorts have a past and emotional issues. No one just decides to become an escort for fun or as a hobby. If you are up to this crazy challenge, try to get her and yourself into counseling. She needs to work on many issues before she can even think about dating a man. It sounds like you are lonely and got carried away with a younger woman giving you attention. Go out for gods sake. Meet other women and date. Keep in touch with her, you might be the only real friend she has (but keep the wallet at home).
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 I think you're more into her than she is into you. It sounds like the 'relationship' is only on her terms, that you're a sort of security blanket for her. I'm sorry, but I don't see how this is going to evolve into a healthy relationship for you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 November 2010):
 Usually relationships with ex prostitutes are highly discouraged. There is too much drama and lack of trust. It takes an angel to show her how to love a man properly. She has been trained to fake love with her clients so it's impossible to tell if she could ever love you. She reaches an age where if she doesn't have enough money to take care of her "early retirement," her future is doomed. If you have the fortune to buy her out, and have a strong backbone to withstand retroactive jealousy, you should try to have a relationship with her outside of the bedroom. At the same time realize that she would want all or nothing. Men come and go daily in her life. She doesn't want you to leave her one day as it might shatter her heart, making her think that no one would ever marry her. Make sure you want to be with her because you love her inside and out, not just because you are still infatuated and are waiting for those feelings to pass. You should really post this everywhere so men tempted to find an escort would know better to avoid this heartache. I would really say no to this relationship because healthwise, she might have STDs that are dormant, she has higher risks of feminine cancers. Her hormones might have been affected. Having a baby might just overwhelm her brain. She might steal your money. You also have to deal with the stigma from friends and family. You would also have to worry if she really enjoys sex with you. Too many problems and it would just snap at the moment of a simple conflict.
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