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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a serious relationship with a great guy for a little over a year. He is great, by far the best boyfriend I have ever had. I can really see myself with him for the rest of my life. Ok, here is the question. I was "talking" to a guy before my boyfriend and I started dating over a year ago. Well, me and this other guy (the one I was "talking" to before me and my current boyfriend met) have been in contact for awhile. Nothing has happened between us because we are both in committed relationships now. But we both still have feelings for each other. I don't want to break up with my current boyfriend because I really love him, but then the other guy is in the back of my mind and I keep wondering what would happen if we were togther. What should I do? Why do I have feelings for this other guy when my current boyfriend is great? I need some advice !! Help please !! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2005): You are playing with fire, girl. Ask yourself one basic important question. "What are my values?" You have an incredible bf at home and you are thinking about messing around. Are you nuts? Why would you do that to yourself, your current bf and this great relationship you share. You simply need rediscover it and reconnect to it. Redefining the meaning of your relationship with your current bf is required of you, right now. Sounds like you love the current bf a lot. WHY are you considering just picking up and leaving a good man? Could it be because you don't want to miss out, on some fun with this other guy? Kinda self-serving isn't it? So, I've gotta ask, is the grass always greener? No, it's not, dear. You see, when you trade off one partner for another simply because you are restless, you haven't dealt with the real crux of your problem which is...you. It's best to stick around and try to figure out what is going on with your way of thinking, your values and your relationship.. that you may be even considering this. If one can't figure it out yourself, there is absolutely nothing wrong talking to a trusted friend or seeing a counselor to get some outside feed-back. It's human nature to get bored once in awhile and one can dream, but the trick is (if you are in a relationship) is not to touch! A mature couple can sit down and talk anything out. Relationships are about two people who love one another, trust each other and are loyal. Take all this brain energy you are using thinking about this other guy and use it to motivate yourself to work even harder on your relationship. Never allow any thoughts of this other guy undermine the very strong foundation of your committment to you current bf.
A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (22 September 2005):
Did that last relationship happen to be a first love? If so that could be why you still have feelings for him. You always will have. We never forget or first love. They will always have a special place in our hearts.
You said it yourself this boyfriend you have now "He is great, by far the best boyfriend I have ever had." There had to be a reason you and the ex broke up. Maybe as Fate would have it. Sometimes its just not meant to be. The grass always looks greener from the other side and we always wonder "what if." You can't live your live on "what ifs." Stick with what you got. If it don't work out there and if the ex is the soul mate you two will make it back together one day. Hope this helps
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