A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im having trouble when im not with my girlfriend I worry about every little thing, for example the other day we were shopping and a guy she only says hi to on the odd occasion came running up to her from across the shop (it was a big store) just to say hi? I know im being paraniod but why do i think about these things when she's not around. Awhile ago she kissed another guy and although she said it was inoccent and ment nothing and i believe her it still bugs me. I've had trouble in excepting her past relationships as she seemed to keep alot of things from them... pictures, teddys etc... when i asked her to get rid of them she seemed upset. I know she ended one relationship but the guy she first slept with ended with her and i know she had a huge crush on him and even loved him. Awhile ago in her sleep she shouted out "i love ****" the name of her Ex :S. I satisfie her in bed as she has told me, I believe her fully (although she was my first). I can't help but feel she would comparie me to other partners, does this happen? I worry to much about little things and its bringing me down as its started to affect our relationship. Does anyone else feel like this?
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (11 May 2007):
 Unfortunately, the only way to find out whether someone is trustworthy is to trust them. You need to just trust her. If not, you could end up pushing her away.
Everyone compares relationships. It's human. It's not like you can take your past and put it into a locked safe, never to be thought of again (even if you want to). It doesn't mean that she is holding you to some yardstick (meter-stick?) that you have to live up to, so don't worry about it.
Also, don't hold what she said in her sleep against her. I am deeply in love with my husband. And sometimes I have dreams when I'm "with" someone I don't even particularly like. Early in our relationship I even had the occasional erotic dream about an ex. It DID NOT mean that I wanted to be with them! Your mind will do strange things in your sleep (like putting you naked in front of a group, or letting you fly). Blow it off -- it doesn't mean anything.
As for the things given her by her ex -- we keep them because they make us remember a happy time. Not because we remember the person who gave them. So let her keep her stuff, and get over it.
It sounds like you really like this one. Don't push her away by making her feel that you don't trust her. Otherwise you'll have someone to compare your next girlfriend to...
A
female
reader, Suzie767 +, writes (11 May 2007):
 your situation sounds a lot like mine.
my boyfriend is 11 years older than me and has a lot more experience and a lot more of a past than me. we met throug a friend of mine who was an ex girlfriend of his-
he shared a lot of info about his past as did my friend which i sincerely wish i didnt know
he also kissed another girl which i found out about through this same friend which broke my heart.
these problems sometimes seem so huge to me ( along with others- he has neglected me a lot over the 4 years we have been together) i want to just walk away from our relationship.
it has stopped me ever really getting close to him and because he has never really let me talk about it it has festered away to the point where it has almost taken over my life.
all i can advise is that you talk to your g/f about these things- if she is willing to listen and talk through your insecurities then you may be able to sort things out
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A
female
reader, gf123 +, writes (11 May 2007):
 I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and love him to bits. I still get upset sometimes when he goes out with a group of friends instead of calling me (we currently spend half the year 200 miles apart) or when he mentions that he's gone to help a female friend out with her internet connection or something.
I've learnt to deal with it however, because I know for sure that he's not doing anything wrong and that I'm just being jealous. Now I've calmed down about it all he is so much more affectionate towards me and completely willing to talk over the things that really do bother me (even at ridiculous hours when I've woken him up!)
The issue here is trust I think. The kiss is a bit of a problem because it's obviously affected your confidence. If you believe what she's said and don't think it will happen again then all you have to do is to control your feelings. Distract yourself by going out with friends or playing a game...anything. If you feel she may cheat on you again then that could be more of an issue.
As for keeping things her exs have given her, that's totally normal. I have a box that I put all my sentimental things in because when I open it and read old love letters etc. it makes me happy. It has nothing to do with the fact that I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriends!
I hope that helps a bit
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