A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just recently "got over" a long-term ex who cheated on and me and then broke up with me. I've moved on and am now with someone else, but I still have residual trust issues and they are making me feel very clingy.I don't have a large group of friends that I hang out with, but I'm very happy with the friends that I have. I go to college full-time and work part-time; in both work and school, I do things that I enjoy. I go out by myself, at times. All in all, I feel like I'm very normal in most aspects of life...I try my best to avoid projecting my anxieties onto my new significant other. I think I do a great job and keep it mostly to myself. Sometimes I do discuss my irrational fears with him, don't get me wrong, and he's quite understanding, but no matter what, I seem to feel constant anxiety about my relationship. I worry that he may be cheating, or thinking about cheating, or maybe just simply losing interest in me, on a DAILY BASIS. Why is this? He's nothing but a good boyfriend to me. I don't want to feel like this, but no matter how irrational I know it is, I can't make it go away. The anxiety is so stressful and consuming that I cry myself to sleep several times a week (when I'm alone), and it sometimes affects other areas of my life. Why am I like this and what do I do to make it stop?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionpurple_butterfly, thank you very much for your advice. I think, if this continues, this list technique will help me in the future. We've been in a committed relationship for a few months, but the "love" word hasn't been tossed around yet. This makes my anxiety a bit harder to maintain because I feel like anything could change at any moment. We're still building a foundation for our relationship. This trust issue I have is making it unnecessarily difficult, though, and I'm afraid if I irrationally distrust him for too long our relationship won't progress much further.
To the anonymous poster, thank you also for your kind words. I would give almost anything to make this anxiety dissipate so that I could fully enjoy my life.
I was seeing a therapist during my previous relationship, and when I expressed to her my concern about some of his inappropriate behavior at a party and that I was worried he might be lying to me, she told me I was overreacting and I needed to "get a life" so I didn't ruminate on everything so much. I later discovered, from my now ex-boyfriend -- after he broke up with me -- that he had in fact cheated on me at this same party, and my doubts were warranted. As you can probably imagine, I stopped seeing this therapist immediately after the break-up.
I know all therapists are different. Sometimes I consider shopping around for another one, but it seems such a hassle, and I know that, even if my new therapist was fantastic, I would still have a difficult time taking his/her advice.
I came here because none of you are paid to give advice; instead, you advise out of your hearts. Many of you have probably experienced this same issue, moved on, and may be able to impart some words of wisdom that will help me see things in a different light.
I'm considering anti-depressants because I do have a history of diagnosed clinical depression and bipolar disorder (I think the latter may have been a misdiagnosis...).
Sorry for the lengthy post. Thanks for reading...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): You're carrying some deep wounds from somewhere (may be this last relationship, may not be...). You need to go to a counciler and talk through some stuff and see his they can assist you in identifying and addressing what's behind all this. I'm suggest the student health center.This should be a joyous time of your life - please address this ASAP, college years are short!
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (12 August 2009):
I have such an issue and i have actually made a list of things as to why i think my bf loves me very much and for some reason it really helps my anxiety. try writing diaries and reading some questions on this site or articles abt guys in general. I did and it helps me at times. writing a list or a diary shud help.i have major trust issues too.hope it helpsloads of love
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