A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 17 year old guy, and so far it's been pretty much impossible for me to get into working relationships. Essentially, I can't get turned on by men my own age. Very occasionally I might be attracted to someone who's in their early to mid 20's, but the likelihood of them being both gay, AND interested in a solid relationship with me seems pretty close to non-existence. While quick hookups and NSA sex has its merits, actually dating a guy in his 40's is pretty much impossible long term. I guess the easiest answer is just to wait until the age gap isn't quite so unrealistic, but staying single for the next 15 years seems ridiculous!Also, if you were wondering, it's flat out impossible for me to get an erection with guys my age. I'd pretty much be in the same position if I was trying to have sex with a woman.Not sure what to do here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): It's absolutely normal. Virtually without exception, 'older' men are sexier, more complete in every way, more mature. Guys under 20 just haven't become real MEN yet. I know from the age of about 15 I was DYING to have sex with a real man, not a boy - but knew I was a little too young to go for it for real (17 is fine).
Put it this way, most straight guys your age are fantasising about 'older' women (like, sexy models in their 20s) rather than the girls they go to school with. It's normal. And as 'chigirl' says, girls are also inclined to prefer guys who are a little older and have that bit more confidence and assurance (also, have better jobs and can take you to nicer restaurants). And if you're by inclination a submissive gay guy sexually, you're TOTALLY likely to prefer your guys a little older - it would feel strange and unnatural 'receiving' from a teenager who's voice has just about broken! I'm generalising a little, but the phenomenon of the more 'masculine' man in gay sexual encounters being the dominant one is quite well documented.
I think someone once came up with the equation 'half your age plus seven' which, in reverse, means 'double your age minus 7' - ie. if you're 20, seeing anyone older than 33 is a little strange. Obviously these are rough guidelines and you're better off finding a lovely guy who's 30 than a total jerk who's 20. The point is, these age differences won't matter a tap in a few years' time. I'm 20, bf is 29, no-one who sees us bats an eyelid or thinks anything strange of it. Three years ago (17 and 26) it would have looked a little different - Do you know what I mean?
You mention 'quick hookups and NSA sex has its merits' - this is true, but please be cautious and choosy when it comes to your sexual partners, and always be safe. I'm sure you know this already.
Good luck, you sound sensible, enjoy.
A
male
reader, bl0ndb0y  +, writes (13 March 2011):
i am the same as you apart from i cant cum. i dont think its that bad, older guys are smarter, more experienced and are attractive. my advice would be just go with it, im 18 and currently seeing a 30year old. it might work out, it might not but sooner or later you will find a guy who fits your type. and also, age is just a number (unless there younger than 17 because thats weird)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): Maybe that is because 17 y/o men don't exist, they are boys.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (10 March 2011):
 just chill out a bit- sounds like you are looking for a father figure or at least someone you can learn from. they may be younger than you think. shallow measures may not guaranteee emotional satisfaction the way a decnt personality will. sometimes we create barriers to our own hapiness for whatever reason.
just be more open and try maybe men in their thirties to mid thrities. wean yourself onto a bit of mature but still avaialble sexy men...
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A
male
reader, uncle bob  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 I think the only problem you have is, your over thinking this situation. Your actively trying to find a relationship.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve, as it where.
You might be scaring guys away!
Take me for instance.
I like women, always have, always will.
Anytime I was single, and actively looking for a relationship, it would never happen.
It wasn't until I gave up looking for a partner, and just relaxed, that I would always find someone to love.
So relax buddy, let it happen naturally, and believe me, it will!
One last thing, and I'm not trying to be a "smart ass".
Maybe you might want to talk to a professional counselor
about any "Father Issues" you might be having.
I say this in all sincerity.
I wish you the best of luck
Now get out there, relax and let nature take it's course!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 You just wait. It's not the big crisis you might think it is. So what if you're not attracted to teenage boys. Tons of people aren't. Including the straight girls out there. I can't remember that many teenage boys I was attracted to while I was a teenager, in fact I rarely found any attractive at all. So this doesn't strike me as shocking at all.
If you can't find a guy yet that you are interested in, just be patient! The right one will come along eventually. Just because you are gay you're still allowed to have a certain taste, you don't HAVE to like any other boy thats your age and gay. If you don't you don't. It's not a problem.
But yes, wait with getting involved with an older man until you are older yourself. You want to date 30-something year olds? In the long term perspective they turn 40 too, so if you were to date a 40-something year old.. would you still find him attractive at 50-something?
I'm just going to use a 30-something year old here as an example. All you need to be for this to be ok is 20. It's not 15 years, it's 3 years. You can do it. a 20 year old and a 40 year old is a big age gap, but not unheard of. And who knows, by the time you are 20 perhaps you will be shocked to have found a 25 year old who takes your breath away.
You never know. But don't worry so much! Things will work themselves out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): Why in such a hurry to get into a serious relationship ...? The reason older men won't enter into a relationship with you is because they have the maturity to recognise that you are far, far too young and immature for them. What in the name of God do you think you would have in common to sustain a relationship?
So, don't be so hell bent on getting with an older man, go out, socialise, have fun - you never know who'll you'll meet, young or older!
I think you're definitely over-thinking things. You're only 16-17 with a helluva lot to learn about yourself, never mind about life. Don't stress, take a chill pill and enjoy your young years!
Love and best wishes.
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