A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I would like to thank you in advance for reading this and thinking of any type of advice for me. Here goes ...our history: derek and i dated in high school for 2 years, we were each other's first love and first time. i was absolutely infatuated with him and loved every minute of it. however, we broke up because i couldn't stand his juvenile acts ... hanging out with a girl he use to like before we dated, lying to me about it, etc.throughout college, we remained friends. i was never a "friends with benefits" with him because i didn't see him that way anymore and plus he had a gf most of the time.after college, we got back together and after about a year, things were getting rocky and we split up. i later found out that only two weeks after we split, he went to sleep with his ex from college unprotected. he went to her several times.unknowingly, i got back with him after about 2-3 months (meanwhile we were still practically living together and sleeping together as if we weren't broken up. we had even made a pact that we shouldn't date other people because we weren't over each other yet.) after i got back with him and found out about his disgusting acts, i confronted him, screamed at him, even slapped him across the face. i honestly never even thought of sleeping with someone else because i respected him so much. he apologized profusely, said it was a big mistake, and that he only loves me and that he didn't go back to her for a relationship. he said i'm the one for him and if i'd let him, he'll prove to me that he's a changed man and is ready for true love with me. this was 9 months ago. over the months, he has kept his word and has shown me how committed to me he is. however, my thoughts have taken over and has driven me to my own personal hell ... thinking about him having sex without a condom with his ex and then the same day come to me for sex unprotectedly. it makes me want to puke. and even after ordering tons of books on how to save a relationship after an affair, i have not made any progress. i break down every other week. i'm still with him because we have a lot of things going on together and of course i love him. he was always my first love and i've never loved someone as much as him even when i was engaged to a prior boyfriend. i've lost sexual interest in him because everytime he tries to touch me, those disgusting images pop into my head. i've tried to break up with him several times but he won't budge. he keeps telling me that we're gonna get through this. all this trying and thinking about it every minute of the day ... i feel like i'm going to develop a tumor in my brain!to those who have been cheated on by someone they truly loved with all their heart, did you really get over it?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 November 2010):
 You need to leave this guy. Sorry for being so blunt, but what you're trying so hard to salvage, is already pretty much gone. Some people can get over their partners cheating on them, and start anew. Some cant.
You tried making it work but it didn't. You're putting YOURSELF through hell for the pathetic actions of another person. Is it really worth it?? Look what you've done to your life! Why are you compromising so much? And stop being confused...either its this way or that.
Either you are with him for whatever reasons and you get over this OR you get out of this, and get a hold on your life. Dont be stuck in a rut like this. Decide what you want. Right now you're like...I love him and we have this history, yet I cant deal with this. But thats not how it is. You have to stop being confused. You have an identity, a life beyond this relationship too...how are you dealing with that? Please be strong and take a decision. Maybe you wud be happier without this man. There is no excuse for cheating, that too having unprotected with his ex. Thats awful!! Ask him to waltz back to her and leave you alone. There is nothing more hurtful than getting cheated upon...dont compromise with life from the word go honey...you're very special...dont do this to urself..
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 November 2010):
 You don't get over it..you can't forgive him for this action. Mind you it happened when you two were broken up so technically he didn't cheat.
You two make up then you break up, which is it? Pick one or the other, either you can hack it at this relationship or you can't. Or you'll keep on repeating this same cycle over and over. Broke up in high school over the fact that he lied, doubt he would change his ways in college. Again, he lied in college about sleeping with this girl when you two made a pact not to see anyone else. Is that right, that part wasn't too clear? This relationship has run it's course, drop him because you CANNOT trust him, in which you have to have trust in order for this relationship to work. He hasn't changed or grown up since high school.
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A
female
reader, RennieGeek +, writes (10 November 2010):
I wasn't cheated on, but someone I truly care about, went back to his ex just two weeks after I was with. I thought I would never be able to be with him again, however, as time has moved on, I realize how much I love HIM. People do stupid things and make mistakes it's in our power to decide if it's a mistake we can live with, or one we can't.
However, I don't know what I'd do if I was you. The fact that he slept with her, and you at the same time really bothers me and shows he's not serious. This may not be able to be reversed. Have you tried actually seeing a couples counselor? Books help, but sometimes the techniques are hard to stick with if you don't have someone pushing you.
I hope this has helped.
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