A
male
age
30-35,
*aabeel
writes:I'm a twenty-year-old gay guy. I'm a virgin and I've waited my entire life to find that one right person to share sex with - something so important to me. I understand that sex doesn't have to be something extremely important and that lots of people can find pleasure in casual romantic encounters. I just don't identify with them. I recently met a guy online - i know...online...but he's really great. I knew he wasn't a virgin and I've also been honest with him, saying that I would never have sex with anyone who wasn't willing to give me himself for our entire lives. Anyway, he's cool with that which is great. We talked for two hours last night on the phone about the absurdity of this online relationship and how we're going to be meet soon and just see where the road will take us.Once we got over that he told me that he's slept with girls before. I know a lot of guys have slept with girls before but he's slept with a lot. And he's not bi, he's gay. One of them was his best friend, whom he's been telling me about since we started talking. I freaked out. It's easier for me to understand him sleeping with guys but I just can't get over the fact that he slept with so many girls, including his best friend who I'm supposed to meet and stay with during this summer. I can't stay at her apartment! I can't hang out with a girl that he's slept with - even though they're cool about what happened. I'm not okay with that. How many girls does a gay guy have to sleep with before he figures out that he doesn't like it?! I mean, come on! And if he has slept with that many girls then the I can only imagine how many guys he's slept with.His past just seems to be flooded with bad decision upon bad decision...upon bad decision...I just want to cry. I feel like the girl in Johnny Depp's "Don Juan DeMarco" who saves he virginity while waiting for her one true love but Don Juan has already slept with thousands of women. Maybe that sounds silly.It's one thing to get over him sleeping with girls but his best friend with whom he's slept with is such a big part of his life. And if I become a big part of his life she will be in it. I just don't see how can be around her if she's slept with him.
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female
reader, It's all be okay  +, writes (26 April 2010):
Hey hun - you haven't even met him yet! You're crying over someone you've never even met. You might not even like him. Any person you meet with have a past, and it's not sensible or healthy to wonder or worry about someone's past - unless it affects the future. I would try to calm down about this situation, and control your emotions which sound like they are running overtime.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): Dear 20 year oldFirst I want to applaud you for choosing how to conduct your sexual life. It is an important issue for you and you have stood your ground and upheld your morals. I wish I had been like that. For me coming to terms with my sexuality was a very difficult process and I made a lot of bad choices along the way, but also a lot of very good ones too. I believe that all the choices we make good or bad, shape us into the person we are today. Maybe the man of your desires has also had a difficult time with developing his sexuality, for some it is a process which can take a very long time and along the way the power of denial can be a strong force, something I have experience with. Maybe he has been with a lot of women because of this? If the thought of him having been with a lot of men is a worry to you then you should talk to him about it, I bet it won't be as bad as you think. Just remember his sexual history is precisely that, history. It is a part of his past that will never go away and if you truly have feelings for him you must get it all out in the open and then find a way to put it behind both of you. Maybe sleeping with his best friend was a huge mistake, but if they have put it behind them it must mean their friendship is stronger than that and you should try to accept that. Talk to him about what you are thinking, but always stay true to who you are too.I sincerely hope you can resolve these issues and that he is indeed the right one for you and that you have a long and happy future together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): You guys have really different views towards casual sex, commitment and intimacy. No matter how much you want to dress it up, and believe in some notion of love, you are probably heading for some serious heartache!You be cautious and try and take things slowly OK?
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (25 April 2010):
 I have a friend who has been doing the exact same thing as your boyfriend. He is an openly gay man, who claims to not be attracted to women at all. However, he continues to sleep around with women and men (he is not in a committed relationship). My own idea is just that he likes to have sex... period. So he just does it casually with no thoughts of intimacy.
I've never had sex, but I'm sure sex feels great. Your man was most likely, as CaringGayGuy said, just trying to prove to others (and possibly himself) that he was straight... before just accepting and embracing it. But of course he wasn't going to complain when he was able to have some physical pleasure! His decisions were probably not motivated by intimacy, just physical pleasure. And now that he has both with you, you shouldn't have anything to worry about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): Wow that sounds familiar! my ex girlfriend had slept with guys before sleeping with me, I was her first lesbian relationship and note the word ex! I couldn't deal with her past cos up til her I was a virgin. I choose the right person as I'm sure you will. But I couldn't get over she had a past and that's the reason she's my ex. I'd do anything to have her back so please don't make the same mistake I've made and live to regret it every single day. Forget the past and look to the future. I know you're probably thinking I can't forget but believe me you have to. You sound in a similar situation to what I am, if you wana talk just reply and ill email you, be nice to have someone to talk to!
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A
male
reader, CaringGayGuy +, writes (25 April 2010):
 I think that the reason he's slept with so many women when he is gay is simply because he was trying to proove to himself that he was straight but from what I've heard I'd say he's finally accepted himself as a gay so don't worry I know it isnt a easy thing to get over with just remember that he's prooved himself gay it is a regular thing a gay guy does to make sure or even force himself to be straight but be happy he's accepted himself as a gay! Don't be awkward with his best friend she might be happy or even regrett sleeping with him! Xx Good Luck xX - CaringGayGuy x
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