A
female
age
30-35,
*ayxxx
writes:Kay, well i've been seeing this guy for a while and he is lovely. We get on well, he's a gentleman and i love him and i used to love spending time with him. But recently things have just gotten boring. The last relationship I was in was really fun and spontaneous, me and my ex always end up having flings but i dont want to hurt my boyfriend. I know this isn't something worth breaking up over, i really like him, i just don't want to be in a boring passionless relationship anymore =[
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male
reader, Pattarom  +, writes (25 April 2010):
 Has he ever denied you any of your ideas for excitement, or do you not offer any up? If he resists then you know he's just a homebody, if you never offer any ideas then maybe you depend on others for your happiness instead of it coming from within.
I think the bigger issue is that you're cheating on him with your ex. I would think the decent thing to do is to tell him if you want to progress further with him, but it really doesn't sound like that's the case. You'd be better off breaking it off now. If he finds out are you going to rationalize, "It's because you're boring"? That's going to hurt way more than just breaking it off now because you're "growing apart".
A
male
reader, Starlite2k10 +, writes (25 April 2010):
Well, how about instigating some of your own excitement? =)
Don't rely on him to do everything, a lot of guys do believe that just being a gentleman is good enough, and it is in some ways, just as long as there is a bit of spontaneity in the relationship.
There's two things you have to consider.
1) Do you treat him well? If you can admit to taking out your mood on him from time to time, he's really not going to want to put in the effort, he'll probably be thinking more about how he can keep himself out of trouble next time he sees you. If not, then don't worry about any of that =)
2) Why don't you do something a bit crazy in public with him =) Start dancing in a crowd with him, kiss him quite passionately in front of some of his friends. Be a little bit promiscuous in a situation that could get you in a little bit of trouble (people near by, etc etc). Raise your excitement levels, and he should follow suit, very soon =)
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