A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry this is so long!! Help meeee!I've been with this guy I met almost a year ago (we're in an online relationship), and when we met I really, really liked him. I crushed on him like a little kid.. always wanting to be around him and make him laugh, offer him things that I can't even afford and he would just say "it's okay". He's 21 and I'm 18.Okay, we eventually got closer.. and started trusting each other, talking to each other everyday. Once, he even referred to himself as "son-in-law"! He called me cute, we both saw each other on webcam. We didn't do anything sexual until later, and he was really shy (me too), but after he would say things like "I wish I was with you" and "If only I was over there...". I think I messed it up. I left for about a month... It was a huge mistake. But recently, he told me that it was a hard time for him.But, ever since I came back... he seized. He told me everything about him, his past (he only tells a select few), his troubles, his fantasies.. EVERYTHING! But we've been arguing about the same thing ever since: he would tell me that he is "unable to love"/"love isn't possible for him" and he "wants to be friends". But, I'm beginning to think he's afraid to fall in love because he once loved someone a lot, he devoted himself to them entirely but his heart was broken and he even considered suicide just so this person would care about him. This happened in the past, way before he met me.He told me he really does care about me a lot, I'm a part of his life and he can't live without me... but he says he wants to be "just friends". I make him happy and whenever I leave for a while (1 or 2 days), he would panic and said time went much slower.. He doesn't want me to leave him. I really do love him, a lot. It's the first time I've felt so close and happy with someone... I'm confused about the way he MIGHT feel. Should I be patient?Also... he once said, "I love you... I think..." Is he 'guarding' his emotions? I once went "I wish you could love me like when we first met..." and he said, "I still do. Maybe." I'm so confused.Does he really only see a "liking" (he said he liked me a few days ago but mind you, he also said love months ago too and the possibility he might 'still love me'..) or is he lying to me?Do you also think he's afraid to fall in love with me because of how he's been hurt in the past?I'm truly in love with him, I don't want to leave him... I need your insight on this!
View related questions:
crush, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): I would say yes he is preventing himself from falling in love with u but by that I don't mean keeping his feelings inside, I believe he would love to be with someone like you but some of his heart he still devotes to his ex who he probably loved dearly and got his heart broken.
There could be several reason's. He could possibly be waiting for his ex to somehow someway return to him so he doesn't want to be serious with you as of yet. He might actual hold a lot of value to the qualities his ex had and might just feel like it doesn't feel the same with him like he did with his ex.
But most of all I believe he simply doesn't believe in love anymore and is preventing himself from getting too close to you in fear that one day he'll just have his heart broken again.
I know this from experience because I'm just like him. I had my heart broken by the love of my life after being together for 4 years and we were planning on getting married, she even talked about what names she would like for our future kids and then she turned on me 180 and stabbed me in the back and really for not such a big reason. She left me with all her feelings intact and still loving me.
I find it difficult to love again and difficult to trust so yes it could be because of his hurt past, it's not because he can't fall in love with you, he's trying not to. I say give it time and continue to be urself around him. He might just grow comfortable enough that he would want to take the relationship further.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): No he is not afraid of falling in love with you. There is no such thing. Do you know what it means to fall in love? A person cannot help falling in love with someone or somehow stop it from happening. That's why its called "falling in love." You just "fall" into it. Its never something you plan or can avoid if and when you meet the right person who steals your heart.
Sounds like he is playing with you. He knows he has you at the palm of his hand and he is playing with your emotions. I don't know maybe he is waiting for something "better" to come along and is keeping you around for "just in case."
This guy doesn't care for you I can guarantee you that. I man who cares about you wouldn't toy with your feelings the way he is doing.
If I were you I would stop asking him questions on where this is going. Stop giving him so much power. Stop letting him dictate where this is going, you take control, you call the shots for a change and put your foot down. I would cut all contact with him. You already spilled your heart out to him so I would say "hey I told you how I feel but 'I THINK I love you' and 'I MIGHT want to be with you' is just not good enough for me. I would rather be with someone who KNOWS for sure. Wish you all the best. Take care." Bam! And then ignore his calls and try to move on. If he comes back make sure he has a DEFINITE answer. If not stop wasting your time because I guarantee you that is exactly what's going here. You are just wasting your time...I'm sorry.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): Give him somemore time i think he ment what he said a few months ago he is just been very hurt and his trust is most likely shot so let him gain more of your trust and if he doesnt want you to leave him then i bet he loves you but take it slower he ll come around and another reson he gets that way when you leave can be because is last so called love cheated but the best advise i can give you is to sit him down an let him know how your feeling and thinking
...............................
|
