A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Well im still having problems with my bf who i've been with for 2 years and 4 months. During those 28 months, he cheated 4 times that i've seen, probably more behind my back, he mistreats me, he's disrespectful, when we're having problems he doesn't want to talk about them, he doesn't show me any affection or attention, he ignores me a lot, his attitude is horrible. It's more but i think that's enough. So recently, i found out that he blocked our relationship from 21 females from FB. That hurts me so bad that i didn't know what to do. I felt bad because for one that shows me he's ashamed of me and for 2 he lied about it and he said it was old. so since it was old that means he been doing that. I also seen some messages in his history where he was sending to females but he erased them. But anyways, i broke up with him or whatnot so like 2 days later, he came over crying and begging me, as usual, about how he gon change and do right. And me, being very soft hearted believed him and took him back. So now he's doing the same things. He told me he was going to delete his FB account to better our relationship but it's still up and i asked him why don't he want to delete it and he said because he don't have to. I know it's some stuff up there he hides and i know it's someone else. I deleted my FB account and i'm always the one trying. he doesn't try at all. He's always ignoring me when i want to talk to him and his mom always say why do i keep putting up with him and she don't see how i do it. He doesn't text me or nothing. It hurts so bad because i love this boy with all i have. I don't know what to do, well i do but i just can't find the courage to do it for good. I need some advice, help because i can't keep living like this. can someone please fill me in on this. sorry so long
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone! Thanks for the advice! I did everything you guys told me to do, but now since i did it he acts as if he doesn't have a care in the world. It seems as if he was waiting for me to do this. It's like i want to be with him again so bad because i really and truly love him but i know that we aren't on the same page. it's going to hurt me to see him with someone else, talking to someone else. I've been shedding a few tears or whatnot but im like what's the use when he doesn't even care i left. The situation that made me leave completely was when him and i was together one night at his house and he was packing up his game. I asked where is he going and he responded to his friend's house to play the video game. I asked him again is he seriously about to just leave me just to go to his friend's house and he responded yes. So he actually did leave or whatnot. Don't get me wrong, i don't have a problem with him hanging with his friends, it's just the fact that he just up and left me without asking. I know we're not married but at least show some respect. So i told him im done. But lately, i've been wanting to contact him and get back with him because it hurts to just break up with someone you really love. But he acts as if he really don't care because i did it. No apology or nothing! But i really appreciate the advice you all gave me! Thanks so much!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone! Thanks for the advice! I did everything you guys told me to do, but now since i did it he acts as if he doesn't have a care in the world. It seems as if he was waiting for me to do this. It's like i want to be with him again so bad because i really and truly love him but i know that we aren't on the same page. it's going to hurt me to see him with someone else, talking to someone else. I've been shedding a few tears or whatnot but im like what's the use when he doesn't even care i left. The situation that made me leave completely was when him and i was together one night at his house and he was packing up his game. I asked where is he going and he responded to his friend's house to play the video game. I asked him again is he seriously about to just leave me just to go to his friend's house and he responded yes. So he actually did leave or whatnot. Don't get me wrong, i don't have a problem with him hanging with his friends, it's just the fact that he just up and left me without asking. I know we're not together but at least show some respect. So i told him im done. But lately, i've been wanting to contact him and get back with him because it hurts to just break up with someone you really love. But he acts as if he really don't care because i did it. No apology or nothing! But i really appreciate the advice you all gave me! Thanks so much!
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (6 June 2011):
 If you truly wish to end it you need to be decisive and stick to it no matter how convincing a sob story he cooks up.
The behavior continues because the consequences do not outweigh the reward of the behavior. In other words, he knows you will always come back, so there is little pressure for him to quit chasing skirts.
Even if he deletes his FB account what is to stop him from activating a secret account? He has already proven deceit when it comes to FB by hiding your relationship to 21 different women.
I hate to put this even more bluntly but he treats you like garbage because you prove to him that you are willing to accept garbage. What you are willing to accept and not accept is the first thing you need to establish.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): I pity you girl. Seriously, the only thing that's running through my mind is why you are able to tolerate him. But then again, sometimes when you're really in love with someone, you'd tolerate his flaws as well. But there's always to a limit to such tolerance and flaws. He is disrespectful of you and that alone is a good enough for you to leave him. While you may think that you lack the courage, I think it's more like you can't see the big picture. You seem to be afraid that when you leave him, life's gonna be empty. Girl, there're probably way lots of guys who'd treat you better and love you for who you are and not be ashamed of you. So do yourself a favor and walk away from this emotionally destructive life. I was once like you too and I couldn't bear to end things with the cheater. In the end, I got the courage to do so and life's great for me :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): Its funny how once you break up with them they come begging for you back. He thought that you would just be there what ever he did.
Its probably the best thing that you do your best not to give in and take him back. He could change but that would require him to resist temptations that are deep in his psychology. What if you got into a fight again, he will loose motivation to change..
Some men just cant adapt to the boundaries of a relationship because its in thier instinct to go off with other women and not get tied down.
However its normal to believe that he will change. Why not give him a chance if thats what you really want. Just have a firm idea of how many chances your going to give someone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): You NEED to end this. It should have ended a long time ago, because if you keep this going you're disrespecting yourself you need to tell yourself - 'I deserve better than this, this guy isn't worth my time or love.' And i think because of the length of time you've been together and the amount of bad stuff he's done it's best if you keep it a clean break and don't contact him again. It's for the best, trust me! What you need to do is psych yourself up for it beforehand, tell him you want to meet up and go somewhere public - outside but quiet so there won't be lots of people around. Sit him down and just be honest - maybe prep what you're going to say beforehand and have a friend or a parent waiting somewhere out of sight so when it's done you can immediately leave and go home and have someone to cry on. Sit him down, explain that you wish him well in life and thank him for the good memories but tell him that the relationship has run it's course, you've decided it's time to end and you want someone who thinks you on your own is enough and you deserve better than someone who thinks it's okay to cheat on you. Don't have any physical contact, tell him 'i'm sorry but i'm done with this and i don't want any more contact,' wish him well and leave. Don't look back don't see where he's going just head straight home. When you get home, before you change your mind, get a friend for support, delete him number, block his facebook so he can't find you or you find him, put all of his things into a bag and anything you have that links to him put it all in a bag and throw it. Put it in a public bin so you won't be tempted to reclaim it. Get rid of every trace of him and delete any texts or anything that has his number or e-mail on it so you physically can't contact him even if you want to. Spend the next week crying it out, don't plan anything allow yourself to heal and call close friends over to just give you lots of hugs. It will take time but you'll getthere. And have a big list of things that were wrong with him on your wall in case you ever slip into doubt. Time heals, remember that. You deserve better and one day he will realise his mistake and all this cheating will come back to haunt him, he'll get a rep and no one will want to be with him when everyone's looking for serious relationships. Good Luck, you can do it! End this relationship as soon as possible.
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